A tribute to Jim

When ever I have mentioned my brother’s suicide there are those who will tell me how wrong it was. Well I struggle with that sentiment.

My brother was full of life and capability stripped by his mental illness. We have a lot to learn about the inner workings of the chemicals released in the brain that induce conflicting thought and perceptions, one day; I hope, we will support those in this field and give these illnesses the credence they deserve.

The struggle Jim found himself with (As far as I understood it) was like an out of body experience. He had told me, just before his death that very often he felt as if he was looking down on himself while something else controlled his body and thoughts. He had researched the drugs and the effects and as a result taken his findings to a solicitor, reasoning that these drugs were to blame for the way he behaved and the ‘Stupid thoughts’ (his words not mine) he was having. He had convinced the solicitor and made us think too, about his treatment. The doctor he was under explained in simple terms, how Jim’s condition took hold and how the drugs affected and interjected his thought process which they hoped would pull him out of the deep depressions or the highs he was experiencing. I am forever grateful to that doctor who showed my family great compassion.

Though we stood firmly by his side I knew his struggle was monumental and it was crippled by the effect it had on those he loved, though our suffering was nothing in comparison with the one he went through daily.

I know he didn’t take into account the long grief stricken road his family would take, how could he? We all ride the wave of emotion in different ways and in this great fragmented country of ours we find it hard to cope with strong outpouring of emotions, preferring to keep them hidden and out of sight. I haven’t got a problem with that but we must learn to ride the wave and not suppress it, as these feelings can become a great big bully if we let them. Talk about what happens and not hide it, listen and not criticise or chastise, then grab hope and remember if we look closely enough, every problem has a solution; possibly not the one we would wish for, and sometimes you have to make do with what you have, after all, we are only human.

So on this night many years ago we lost my brother and Tilly’s Moments were borne. I vowed in that suspended moment of grief, I had loved deeply enough to live life for us both as best I could. To accept that I may not understand or agree with things as they happen but I would always carry my brother’s smile with me.

My Mum and Me

Muggy summer days

When the atmosphere is full of thunder

I pull from my heart my brother’s smile

With the song of blackbirds

Cutting through the melancholy air,

I close my eyes and see it there: -

His deep-broad smile

Upon that dimpled cheek

And his clear blue eyes

That still makes me weep.

I yearn for his voice

For his news and his thoughts

As I watch the thrush, sit upon her nest

And see the blackbirds pick

The worms that are the best,

I rest my thoughts for a while

And play in my mind a film of him.

As now I look out of my window

I see my son and daughter playing,

I can see us making up games

Our sounds

And I smile fondly,

As our mother must have done

Those years long since past

I try hard to listen to his sound

If I heard it, how would I be?

My love for my mother grows

Ever strong

With reluctance I carry on my day

I put back in my heart

What I had taken out,

And sealed it with a smile.

For though we have a pain

That

Follows us

We would not wish to have lived without.

Our thoughts now forged

Together

As one

My Mum and me x

So with a glass of wine I will hold it aloft and smile X

Blowing Bubbles My Whole Life Long

I found this old poem and as the old year comes’ to a close and a new one about to start, I couldn’t help but reflecting on the past, enjoy the now and then look forward. I have always thought the time between Christmas and the New Year is when the Christmas Carol should have been set, though the impact would not be the same.

When I wrote this poem I was reflecting on my past with my Aunties who blew the bubbles for me and my cousins, enjoying the moment with my nephew while heavily pregnant (I had lost a few babies and the load I was carrying was extra special).  My two sister-in-laws were due around the same time and the future I knew was going to change us and it has. None of us are the same, our views and thoughts have been changed by becoming a mother and through the teaching of our children and quite often our children teaching us.

I hope my work has an easy read feel about it but under those simple and pleasant rhythms and words lurks an undercurrent of thought provoking contemplation that the reader has to find the truth of, by themselves; sorry about that lol. Many people have said to me that every time they read my work, it evokes a different response emotionally from them, I find this most gratifying.

I want to take the fun with me as I age and get the best I can out of life, which ever path life leads me down and coming up to the New Year I wish you all the same: - many popping moments as those gentle spheres float with their rainbow hue of contemplation in your thoughts.

Happy New Year to you all Tilly x

What do I want in life?

To blow bubbles my whole life long.

When I was little I couldn’t blow them for myself

So I chased them to and fro

And when I grew more

I became an aunty then a mum

I had to blow bubbles lots and lots

For those little tots

When I grow old

I’ll buy a bubble-making machine

And pop them with my walking stick

And chase them with my granny mobile

It will be a great life I feel

Blowing all those bubbles

And then making them POP!!!

Fluffy Slippers and Pom Poms Episode Seven

The dogs gave their usual greeting as they entered, with Buster staying by Piers side. Helen noted how close they looked. As Pier went to put his coat away Buster begged on his two back paws dancing around him. Perplexed he asked the dog.

‘What is it boy’ looking up at Helen for an explanation.

‘He’s asking for a bone, I keep them on the opposite side to the coats’.

‘Can I give him one?’ He asked this will a childlike excitement that broke the frost between them. Poppy closely followed by foxy came back through to the hall and sat in anticipation looking at Helen.

Pier found the biscuit bones and Buster gave him his paw. Thinking he had this dog training lark under control he went to give the girls one, which they refused from him and Bust was now doing his Otter impression to keep the focus on him hoping for more than his fair share. The girls looked down their noses at his antics and then looked up to Pier and back to Helen they then went either side of her and sat elegantly with a hoity-toity air that was comical.

‘Ok girls, I get the picture you want to play hard to get.’ Helen clicked her fingers and immediately the girls laid down with their heads raised in anticipation.

‘They are not playing hard to get, they just have impeccable manors.’

When he smirked at her last remark she could see he was in discomfort and went to get a cold compress for him. As soon as he came into the large kitchen diner and sat on the small sofa next to the French door that perfectly framed the garden, Buster was already curling up-to him and the girls were at his feat. He had put his head back and gratefully received the cold compress.

Their conversation had started to flow once again and they discussed the issues she had had over knowing him too little to be in love with him. He proclaimed his hurt of her rejection and told her not to look too deeply into to it. After all people fell in love at first sight and his family weren’t to know she thought him an android.

‘You’ll hang onto that statement for as long’.

‘As we’re together.’ he interjected. Stunned silence hung in the air over the insinuation that statement implied.

‘What are we doing Pier?’

‘You’re not pulling out on me are you? Didn’t take you for a quitter!’

‘It just seems like lying to the people we are closest to is so wrong’.

‘As wrong as five long and painful months of blind dates, that they have pushed me into? I don’t think so. I’m the main topic of conversation between Deb and Alicia even mum has started to join in. You know my mum and yours are behind this too?’

‘What my mum knows yours and they talk about us?’

‘Oh ya, they think that because we don’t put enough effort into relationships’.

‘You are kidding me aren’t you? Our mums know each other?’

Helen flopped onto the sofa next to him her mind running out of room to think, so embroiled with questions that there was no room left.

‘They think that we don’t try and they think we deserve each other do they?’ Agitated she picked at her fluffy slippers indignation took over her emotions. Pier was a little taken a back that his intention had overflowed into this reaction.

As they talked on it became apparent that the mothers had met when Deb and Pier had been borne and had kept in-touch meeting for coffees. Pier oldest sister had struck up a close friendship with her when their two girls were borne ten years ago. Pier and Deb had been friends all the time but had become, very close at Uni then they saw less of each other and in the last two years had become close again. He could tell this was a shock to Helen, Helen he knew liked to be in control and was a little hurt she had not known about this part of her mothers and sister lives. He liked the bond that she felt to her family and he couldn’t help himself in winding her up a little about his family ties to hers, making her want to go with him tonight to meet them out of intrigue. But he was not entirely sure why he wanted them to get together. It had a lot to do with getting his family to back off him that was for sure and the fun they could have at their expense was something to look forward to but there was this feeling of wanting to spend time with them all together, that he just couldn’t explain.

Helen had a long soak in the bath and tried to relax about this evening. Pier had insisted they take a taxi at his expense so they could both have a drink. Half of her was so angered at their families behaviour and half worrying about the deceit they were about to perform. Her main concern was what would happen when the truth came out.

She wrapped her towel around her and entered her room to pick out something to wear, when Pier greeted her with a glass of Champagne.

‘What’s this for?’

‘Let the challenge begin’.

‘What you on! What challenge’.

‘That you can’t convince my parents that you love me as much as I can convince your parents I love you. Up for it or are you too much of a wimp.’

‘Oh! That’s so unfair. You know my family, I don’t know yours.’

‘Knew it, just not up to it’? He knew by that look in her eye he had hooked her.

Helen took the glass and saluted,

‘Oh! You’re so going to regret this.’ He didn’t know what he was taking on, bless him he’ll have to learn the hard way, grit determination can be a very blind thing.

As they drank she picked out her dress and explained that meeting the perspective mother-in-law (at which she noted with satisfaction, his eyebrows lifted) for the first time needed a new dress and as it happened, she had just the thing. She picked out her make-up to go with it and even added some sedate false eyelashes. He reluctantly left the room and she promised to put her make-up on in the living room so that she could educate him into the art of apply make-up. She put on her favourite miss matched outfit that made her relax and bounced on the sofa next to him. He switched off the telly and was intently watching her every move. It made her laugh when he pulled the same faces as her as she applied the lashes and mascara. They both looked at the result with appreciation.

He took the dogs out for a small walk and arrived back in time to have a quick shower and got dressed in some more of her brother’s clothes and she had to admit he was a good looking chap.

By the time the taxi arrived they both felt up to the challenge, each planning a string of events to out-wit their opponent.

Boxing Day

Starts with making i.d cards with Angus, sorting the marble run out and white water rafting!!!!

Soon we will be having a breakfast of left over’s, which is one of my all time favourites. With the Brussels mixed with Horse-Chestnuts and bacon and normally left over mash which we call bubble and squeak, not sure why, but they ate all the mashL. The Brussels must be the bubbles as they look like green bubbles so we will be squeackless at brunch. If I can justify opening the bubbly wine that I have put by, will be sipping that while listening to James Blunt while I cook. This is my type of heaven.

This is enhanced by firstly writing to you all and then I will be putting the finishing touches to Episode seven of Fluffy Slippers and Pom Poms, which I promise I will put on as soon as I’ve done. This afternoon we will go for a walk (if I can drag them out) and this evening I hope to start the drawing of my balloons. How can such simple things give so much pleasure?

Before Christmas day we shop until we drop, worry endlessly that we have enough food and drink and when it’s all over we sit back and the best pleasure we have had is time; time to breathe and just look at the world around us. Then we are told why did we stress so much? Oh I could get on a soap box about this one but why spoil the mood?

Hope you are getting a few minutes peace to just enjoy breathing x  

Well there was Christmas

Not sure how you celebrate or indeed if do at all in your house but for us it was fun!!!

None of us are dressed!!!!!!, Axl still running around in his Elf shorts Santa got him lol. We spent the day together with nothing to do but eat and play.

If you ever wondered (I’m sure you have better things to think of over this festive time) what Tilly gets up-to at Christmas well, Like fluffy Slippers and Pom Poms I had my miss matched comfy clothes on with a row of beautiful pearls and was dancing around the kitchen fitting batteries in and sorting the gizmos out while cooking the turkey. I was allowed to play on Angus’s new game and knocked out a light bulb; I was jumping on a raft at the time. There are some things you should give a try in your forties, raft jumping in your living room is one, you don’t even get wet goes down a treat just like sensible shoes, it’s an age thing.

I thought of you all and hope you were also dancing and having fun x

Boxing Day next, even more fun as we always, amble around getting a lazy brunch and then go for a walk.

When Will the Slow flying Robin Take off?

A couple of years ago I wrote a little round robin and that year Christmas crept up with it’s fluffy socks of cosy weather, this year it’s hit us with its cold hammer! Because of this Kev has been off work and all the best plans have gone south for the winter’s duration. My round robins have always had issues taking off but this year the poor thing has had its wings clipped.

This one has been hard to sit down and write for many reasons, one of them being that I feel as if the year is about to start; my time clock is way back in May! The summer I spent in a ditch trying to find the end of a non existing pipe; so perhaps that’s why I still think it was May. I know that there are many people that wish Christmas would quietly pass them bye too and that’s not because they are humbugs but for real issues they are dealing with or life changes they are not ready for. If it helps my heart and thoughts go out to you and I hope by reading this you don’t feel so alone x

Life carries you on a tide which is relentless and you’re lucky if you can keep your head above water, breath deeply and learn to do the back stroke! I have been trying to take my own advice. You see when Kev’s off  he makes a list of jobs that need to be done and anything I have to do (wrapping presents taking them round, writing my little round Robin) has to take it’s turn on his list. The problem is every time I creep up to the top of the list he thinks of something else more important and puts it up to the top. No point in arguing, or trying to reason about it he is a mere man and would never understand my universe; though his revolves around it and he thinks it is rather beautiful place, it’s just a myth and has no reality about it, just romance. So I breathe deeply and try to float.

Floating means: -

Closing your mind to things you just can’t change, accepting and moving on at your own pace. Then and only when you can let your mind open to the world around you look around to see what you can change to make your world a little easier.

So here I sit at my computer writing into the ether, floating with the waft of Frankincense in unreality. This unreality that will bring fun and frolics and much needed laughter in a house that is much lived in and chaotic with shouts of Mum, where’s my, what’s happened to! How do you do……? and can you fix……..? and who knows I may just be able to sit down for five minutes without worrying which job I should be doing. Yea right!!!

Oh they have all left and the house is free to be cleaned. Duster at the ready me and my Flight of Fancy must fly. I’ll be back! Soon I hope x

What a Lolly Pop!!

Just pulled the second load of the day out of the washing machine when out popped a lolly pop!!! I heard a little fairy giggle, but when I looked round no one was there.

I have pulled out many strange things from my labour saving devices; hovers, washing machines, tumble dryers and plugholes seem to hold the treasures of the household.

The first washing machine I remember, that had two rollers at the top. I tried to put everything through the rollers, I think it was because I loved to turn the handle and see the water cascade out. Often you would find a penny or two rotating gently in the bottom of the tub; I have been known to fall in trying to get them. I can remember trying to wash my dolly, but she would not fit between the two rollers, which I found most disappointing.

Then there was the twin-tub with the wooden tongs to help you pull out boiling hot clothes, you would be able to see the red sock before it attached the white clothes and turned them pink. The best bit of all though was sitting on top of the spinner to stop it vibrating across the room, not so good when it pulled the water hose of the tap when you were reading your Mag, your Martini would most defiantly be shaken and not stirred.

Then as I had children I became a dab hand at pulling jam sandwiches from video recorders; remember them? Finding socks under cushions, in handbags, you would find strange things in strange places and then hear yells that I've lost my brand new bracelet, as your daughter comes in to go to bed, as you have just got up. Bleary eyed and stressed you get the milk to calm you both down and there it is sitting on top of a pizza box.

I think back to the time when I had a familiar call from Axl to say could I please bring his homework to school. He had worked on it tirelessly and it was very impressive so I thought, give the boy a break. I asked where I could locate it just as I was getting the washing out of the machine while he was telling me it was in his jeans, the ones I was pulling straight ready to hang on the line as we spoke and just at that moment a memory stick fell to the floor. The expletives expressed by my son would have made a marine blush (it did me anyhow). My reaction was, right what am I, going do about that then!

Hairdryers are fabulous things! I undid the screw on the pen drive and put the heat on cool on the hair dryer and dried the pen as best as I could, I'm certain this is not a good thing to do, but what had we to lose? I crossed everything and put that memory stick into the computer and to my relief, and amazement it worked. Homework was delivered and he got the highest marks he had ever achieved.

He now lives away at university and I guess is pulling strange things out of strange places all of his own. I smile as I put the lolly pop in the bin, the pound in the savings jar and gave the dog her bone back.

My Beautiful Flight of Fancy has Been at it Again!

This is based loosely on fact, but I’m not telling which part is fiction, that’s for you to ponder on.

Well my Beautiful Flight of Fancy has been busy again. Axl has been complaining that she has been putting everyone else’s undergarments in his draws (pardon the pun). Last week he wore his Dads; which flapped around quite a bit, most annoying apparently. Though he did realise that the pair he was trying to put on, on Wednesday were in-fact his sisters, just in the nick of time; he had P.E that day (mind boggles with that one) and yesterday being the last day of term he was having a few issues when he realised that the yellow smiley pants, were, in-fact his little brothers. I say sack the fairy, she is obviously no good at the job!

                                 

Fairy’s; I thought, where supposed to grant wishes and help in an effortless manor. This one makes stress and is either incompetent or mixed with a shake of pixy dust. Now I must say I’m getting a little upset at always being blamed for the mishaps, I may be a mother but I’m no super woman that’s for sure. There is no way I could do all the tasks around the house and I don’t mean just the cleaning, sorting and tidying up, oh no making favourite meals and mending all that is broken and sorting the internet out. Mums’ need their little helpers, and trust me to get the defective one.

The bottom has just fallen out of Axl’s draws again so I’ll have to go.

Glue at the ready!!!

Just pulled the second load of the day out of the washing machine when out popped a lolly pop!! Wait till I catch up with that fairy

Fluffy Slippers and Pompoms Episode six

They got back and decided to go for a coffee at the local farm shop. The dogs settled in their beds when asked to ‘dry their paws’ Pier was most impressed. They went a little way up the road and then down a track. Talking as they went about the connection between Sue, Deb and Pier; one of Debs failed blind dates apparently from way back.

Helen was intrigued by a side of her sister she knew very little about, she thought she knew all her sister’s close friends and the fact that she had close family friends that she wasn’t involved with, made her feel withdrawn from her sisters life and oddly grown up.

She then focused on finding out how much he had remembered about her; in that glorious summer when he had been gardening and she went spying on him. He avoided the subject though, much to her annoyance and his indulgent pleasure. He poked fun at her like her brother and brother-in-law always did, making her feel childish in her quest, so reluctantly, for now she dropped it hoping stealth would prevail.

They entered the elegant country Tea room that was humming with activity and Helen was a little worried they would not find a table. Everyone looked up and did a double take at Piers eye and then they lowered their heads and low inquisitive voices added to the humming around them with a new vigour. The couple knew that a feeding frenzy of innuendo and miss conception was flowing through the room with their arrival. When they sat in the middle of the large room, Pier threatened to stand up and proclaim the truth, only to be pulled back down to his seat by Helen. All this fun and frolics that always ended in laughter, Helen felt sure did not help his eye recover and suggested that all the extra blood flow, went straight to the now beacon style bruise, causing a flash light effect akin to a light house! And then added;

‘You’re doing it on purpose, to make me look bad!’

‘Oh you off loader, this is your fault and now you’re trying to off load your guilt and say it’s my fault.’ He had by now got indignation off to a fine art thought Helen.

With an earnest face he turned to acknowledge the young girl who was ready to take their order.

‘She should stop trying to make me laugh, don’t you think? It is most unfair to make the inflicted’ he pointed to his eye. ‘Laugh causing more afflictions?’ He now pulled a face of which could only be likened to Quasimodo’s brother. Helen rolled her eyes as the young girl and a few others around, chuckled their appreciation of his insinuation.

Each one of these chringable offences he had caused her, she had noted and was beginning to wonder why she had put up with it and whether it was all worth it. He was funny but for a competitive person to always be on the loosing side was a little hard to cope with. He then turned all attentive and she was flummoxed in to submission of enjoyment.

As they left the cafe Helen guided him to the farm shop and started to joyfully load up the basket with the fresh produce that was on offer.

‘Err I think you should go easy on the perishables’ Pier’s bad eye was on her side and he had to swing round to see her; just missing the top of  the head, of a runaway boy with the wire basket.

‘Why?’ She knew he was going to tell something she wasn’t going to like. He fidgeted.

‘Err it’s’ he grabbed her arms. This earnest action of protection (Helen couldn’t make up her mind against another black eye or support for her), added to the foreboding that was building into an atmosphere between them.

‘I said we would go for dinner tonight so you could meet the family’

‘I could meet the family? Or the family get to meet me?’ Helen looked intently as the difference was subtle and saw the thought of a lie not being an option float across his face and then he admitted.

‘So they could…….. grill you!’

‘Grill me? Why grill me? What sort of family are they?’ she didn’t fancy having third degree burns and then go into the ring with her family the next day. She knew nearly nothing about him, how could she convince complete strangers that she loved their son enough to move in with him. All this deceit, just so they didn’t have to go on a few blind dates. There again that’s exactly what they were going to do to her family. How old were they to come up with such a slapstick comedy of an idea like this. On the other hand if his sisters were like Deb, after a while you do get a little bit desperate, well mega desperate. She looked up to him which was not much help as his eye made it impossible to read his face.

They paid for the things in the basket and walked home in relative silence, each carrying their thoughts and wondering how they were going to pull it all off.

A Very Supportive Family? A Tilly Debate

I have a very supportive family so they tell me. Though sometimes I do wonder if this is true! So here I sit alone (at last) in the office and well………..ponder on this for a while and then I start to think…….

You see, I got up Saturday morning cold, yet chirpy, ready to write the next episode of Fluffy Slippers and Pom Poms and was almost done, when I was asked how my blog was going by my daughter. I knew that I had to stop writing; as the family in dribs and drabs were coming to see what was for breakfast. So I took time out and went to my blog page to have a look; this turned out to be a big mistake.

Well we went on the “Stats”. Like any Blogger I look at them all the time and find them fascinating, though I must confess I’m not sure how to read them properly. We were huddled around the lap top when up popped my page reviews (this is my favourite as I like to see what people like to read). My daughter was impressed until my husband pointed out eight page reviews was not eight people but just the number of pages one possible person had looked at (well this could be true but it’s the way he said looked at and not read, that I was upset about). ‘Oh’ my deflated daughter exhaled her disappointment. Well I said at least I have people coming back to read more. ‘Oh’ he said how do you know that then?’ I showed him the audience which shows you on a world map where people have visited from. Well every couple of days I have a Russian visitor who looks at different pages ‘Wow’ they all exclaimed and me and like a puffed up peacock I sat there very proud.

My husband leaned in to get a better look at the figures. Now Russia on my map covers a large area, it is all green, which looks very impressive. My ever loving husband (Oh, he can be so hurtful with his truthful analysis of any given understanding he has of a situation) stood up and pondered and then reasoned, well it only takes one look at your blog (notice he uses look not reads) to make the whole of Russia go green!’ I had never thought about it in these terms before ‘yep’. I reluctantly replied with a little resentfulness creeping in, I guessed it did. But look I said defensively, they did come back three times this week. At this very moment my oldest son walked in and took a look and then he offered his knowledge. Well he said “You know they have robots that look for specific words so they can attach an advert of relevance on the side of your blog? See look the last piece was your Balloon Poem and the ad’s are all for hot air balloon trips.’

They all looked around at me with their “bless her” faces on. ‘Anyhow’ Continued my husbands still reasoning, while he put a supportive arm around my shoulders ‘You can’t expect people from all over the world to want to read your work, you just keep writing because you enjoy it.’ He patted my arm and kissed the top of my head. We all laughed, me most of all, thanking them for their support and belief in my work.

So my debate within myself is: - why do writers write? Why do I write? And who do I think reads my work and does it matter if any of my work gets read.

Writers write for as many reasons as there are writers and readers. I write because I have to and yes it does matter that my work gets read. I make no assumptions about why you choose to read my work. And if I only get read by a scanning robot then my work is only good enough for that and I hope the robot smiled, is all I can say! But I  hope, against hope, that anyone of any country, who has stumbled on my pages and have taken the time to read my scribblings, that I made them ponder a while, gave them a chuckle or two and they ended with a  smile.

So do I have a supportive Family?

Well I think so. You see they see things from a different angle than me and make me question myself, perhaps I will never agree with them completely but that surely is what debate is all about a pool of thought to look at and ponder on but you don’t always have to jump in do you?

Tilly Has been at the Frankincense again

When Some Kind Person

When Some Kind Person
Takes the time
To show they care
Your heart feels light
Like a balloon in flight
And you feel as if you walk on air

Your cheeks do bulge
And with an upturned grin
You go through your day
But this is the thing
That simple kindness
Gets passed on
As that upbeat feeling
Goes bobbing along

Imagine a world full of people
Like overgrown balloons
Floating in the breeze
All full of smiles and fun
And as the strings unfurl
They curl their way
Right back to
That one kind person
Who took the time

This last poem is my anthem and holds a belief that if you smiled at ten people throughout your day, those ten people would then pass your smile on to the next ten people that they met. By doing this, there is a probability (I know this is slight but you do meet many people that should; due to their circumstances be angry and resentful but are in-fact jolly and happy with their lot, so then there may just be a glimmer of a possibility) that one smile could travel around the world and back to that first smile.

I know that this thought maybe a little naive and practically impossible, but you have to admit it’s a great thought and yes I've been at the Frankincense again, well it is Christmas.

I would like to get the balloon up in the air and say a big thank you to Beth who wrote a very beautiful comment on my blog and made my balloon take flight. So pass this on by linking it and I'll be drawing a few balloons over the weekend to put on my blog by next Monday and perhaps you would like to draw your own balloon and we will see if we can a bobbibing sensation going.

10th December 2010 Tilly moments x

May you breathe deeply with love this Christmas

As I sit to write the Christmas Cards trying not to think of all the other jobs I would rather be or should be doing, I do try to relax and enjoy the effort as best I can. Everyone has differing views on whether Christmas cards are worth it or not, with most of us agreeing it is a thankless job. Though we like to hang them around our house for the tradition and the comfort of what they represent; a good will greeting.

It’s no good I’m agitated and stressed; as being dyslexic I find it hard enough to remember names without then trying to remember how to spell them. I mix some sweet almond oil (this stops the pure essential oils from burning the skin) and put three drops of lavender and three of Frankincense then decide I need a forth drop of that very Christmassy oil.

Aromatherapy has been around as a healing art for over two thousand years. It is the use of fragrant parts of aromatic plants to improve your health and general well being. As most of today’s medicines have derived from nature and perfumes galore around us, with high prices paid for the most exotic. With trained noses that mix the combinations held in high regard by perfume houses.  Lots of research goes into the advertising and manufacture of these aromas that make us feel better and fill our houses to make us feel good. So I defy anyone to argue it is not important to us.

The aroma of Satsuma, orange with cloves (my kids hate this one but I love it), ginger, mulled wine, egg nog and brandy that I soak my Christmas cake in (did I say in? I meant with). These smells will take me through my history; giving a sense of occasion and sheer indulgence. These fragrances will take their part in getting me ready and carry me through the furore of the festive season.

Tradition goes a long way in making us feel continuity and stability in our ever changing lifestyles. Our senses take a battering this time of year; the touch of the wicked cold wind that we are experiencing in most parts of England this year, makes our eyes and skin smart, our ears tune into the Christmas chimes of the latest old release but its our sense of smell that is awakened the most, at this time of year.

So what is Frankincense? Well it comes from a small tree called Boswellia that can be found in Yemen, Oman but the highest quality comes from North Africa. They slash the tree bark and the resin is steam distilled into oil of a pale yellow colour. Frankincense has a soft aroma, with a hint of balsamic, essence of lemon and a camphorous waft at the end. Burned as an offering to the gods for many cultures, it is believed to heighten spirituality and still is an essential part of many religions today. As I take another lung full (I kid you not) I can see why this is.

Though it has more to offer than its luxurious relaxing aroma, as it is used in expensive perfumes to give a uplifting background note, can be mixed as a antiseptic, anti-inflammatory, antifungal, astringent, a sedative, clears lung congestion, decreases gas and helps with indigestion. It has been observed that this timeless fragrance does deepen breathing, aids relaxation causing the lungs to expand, science backs this up as molecules of trahydrocannabinole, a psychoactive compound are present within the oil.

So I find it difficult to understand why there is so much controversy and the reluctance to embrace these old and trusted ways. But without proper research that’s all they are ‘trusted ways’. In the past it has been more important for doctors to give medical care (treat the body) we now know that the mind controls the body’s ability to recover. More and more hospitals are researching into holistic therapies and finding surprising results when used in conjunction with the more orthodox medical treatments. Why should one way be the only way to cure us? We are made up of many components, compounds and emotions after all. This complexity makes it hard to determine with any certainty, what effect medicine or oils have on us. I fear the research will be endless as there is always a cause and effect in everything we do.

Though one thing is sure, as I breathe in this combination of Frankincense and Lavender it makes me smile and I face the pile of cards not with dread any longer but with the Christmas sprit that is my tradition. That tradition is one of hope, that as humans we will find the ability to walk on this earth in harmony and peace. Until then, what ever you believe or tradition you have, I hope you have love in your heart and a smile or two each day x

P.S

Finished the cards and was just about to give them to my husband to post ,when some fell into the sink of oily water so will have to write out some more. Now off to find the Frankincense and Lavender. It’s the Season to be Jolly la la la , Ella off school with the flu and has a strong aroma of Frankincense that is so strong it made her eyes water. Give me Some Figgy Pudding. Angus was in his school play as a fox, though I could not see much, he looked soo cute and so did the rest of the cast, it made me cry (no surprise there!). The Holly and the Ivy and the family are getting fed up with my renditions of all the Christmas songs that I only know a few words to and sing badly out of tune. The Rodwells are in for a good time, I think he he he

Have fun

Fluffy Slippers and Pom Poms: - Fifth Episode

Pier stood looking at her making her feel like a matador the challenge was so intense. Now was he going to turn into a raging bull of indignation? Helen was finding it increasingly difficult to look at Pier for too long, his eye and cheek bone was swollen and changing to a whole spectrum of colours. Was she going to crumble under the burden of guilt?

It was Buster who broke the fighting stance of matador and bull, he banged them both on their knees enough to say ‘there are more important things to do than looking at each other in challenge mode. Like a walk!’  Buster sat down and lifted his paw waving it at Pier begging him to put his lead on. He took the lead from Helen without reluctance or second thought. Poppy and Foxy girl had theirs in their mouths and sat waiting patiently.

By the time they had walked out of the old mill, they were back talking as easy as old friends. Just over the bridge and to the right was a public footpath that ran along the river Gipping. A well trodden path that started open and was soon closed in by over hanging trees. On a day like this it glistened in the morning sun and soon humans and dogs were lost in the pack walking mode, which slowed the heart and gave a sense of an almost hypnotic trance state. All too soon this was broken by the others out for a walk. The dogs eager to greet, giving the humans the excuse to pass the time of day with a few remarks on the weather and such. This was why Helen had Poppy, a year later came Foxy Girl as a companion for her and Buster was a rescue she just could not turn away from. Buster had a telepathic ability, Helen was sure of it.

Soon they had reached the big open space just before the lake. The three dogs were excited and eager to be free. Pier was taken in by the walk and was now proudly holding Buster’s lead; well he was a model dog. He loved people, dogs and life with vitality you just could not deny; it was also very infectious. The three poodles sat knowing that was the only way they would be let off their lead and waited for the command to be released but as soon as Helen uttered ‘along’, they were off. Ecstasy ran through their bodies. Crisscrossing each other with Buster going underneath the girls tummies, Helen and Pier stood back to admire their exuberance.

Helen had the compulsory balls in her pockets and all of a sudden attention was paid by the dogs. As soon as the ball was released from the throw the dogs had it in their sights. Though the Standard poodles could cover more ground in a stride, Buster had the agility and it was him who manoeuvred around the tree, jumped impressively high and caught the ball. Pier wanted a go and Helen walked over to a friend as he threw the numerous balls for the now five dogs.

While talking to Sue they turned to look at Pier. Sue was one of Debs close friends, so the pretence had to be kept up. To Helen’s horror Sue already knew that Pier had stayed the night and Sue thoroughly approved and thought Pier was a dish and they would be very happy. They both noted a known flirt walk over to Pier and her Blue oldie English Bull dog; Sue and Helen thought brought only for the man appeal factor.

Bella the bull dog laboriously sat down and waited for the onslaught of the others dog’s interest. They had to admit that she was a very beautiful dog in her wrinkled way. A very happy looking dog; she looked as though she was laughing with a temperament to match. Encouraged by the other dogs she went to play, with Buster flirting persuading her to come along a little faster.

Sue started to walk over to Pier and Helen became aware that she knew him. Oh lord she thought deeper and deeper into the fire of pretence and began to wonder where all this was going to lead. The sooner his eye mended, and Deb put in her place the better; they could have a big row and end it then, hopefully making Deb and Piers sister stop fixing up blind dates. Helen didn’t like holding onto all the threads of deceit it confuddled her ordered brain. There again she could have some fun with Cindy (the flirty dog walker) who had become a friend.

Giving treats to all the dogs on the way over to them, she beamed at Cindy and put her arm through Pier’s.

‘You didn’t tell me you were living with someone.’ Cindy cooed

He’d stolen her thunder; she started to pout at the loss of the strike; though Sue’s face was very pleasing. This was going to get back to Deb as soon as they were out of earshot. If not Sue, Cindy would defiantly get there as soon as she could. She devoured men, especially attached ones. They stood there while a cloaked inquisition went on, which they both avoided with child like pleasure. Pier’s eye caused a great stir especially when he announced that Helen had done it. The happenings of the previous evening explained and Deb’s sneaky hand in it all; with the little back dress she told Pier Helen so desperately needed. He then announced; even though Helen thought he was an android at work, he had won her over with his smooth charm. Oh you won me over did you now, I had succumbed, did I? Thought Helen, you are so going to pay for that one.

They left the girls in consternation. Both girls knew Helen well enough to know she could not just flippantly walk into a relationship. They also knew Deb and she would be in absolute turmoil that her little sister had done such an impulsive thing, especially as she instigated it all. They would love to have been invited to Deb’s for Sunday lunch; it was going to be the blast on the century, an event not to be missed.

The dogs bounded over to the now retreating and entwined couple, who; unknown to the girls they had just left, were again having a quite laugh at their expense.

 

Fluffy Slippers and Pom Poms: - Fourth Episode

Helen was never a late sleeper but this morning, with the autumn sun and the bitter cold air made her snuggle that little bit deeper in her duvet. Let the heating raise the temperature just a little more she thought. It was around eight she guessed and the girls were stirring. It was a little strange without Buster; he was a real early riser and would always lift her arm up so that he could snuggle up for a couple of seconds then he would want to get going.

She put on her Fluffy slippers and her fluffy snowman house coat and went to put the coffee on. Lush creamy scrambled eggs and crisp bacon with brown sauce, she couldn’t wait. She looked out of her kitchen window at the snow filled sky and the twinkling frost that hung and sparkled on the trees on the bank of the river it made a sparkling display and a very romantic vision. Her kitchen was perfect in every way and in the mornings at the weekends it was her all time favourite place. She was almost regretting agreeing to go to Deb’s on Sunday.

Then she remembered what had been planned last night and instead of regretting or rethinking she was re-living and had a huge smile on her face as Pier walked in with Buster. He was showered and dressed in her brother’s clothes which fitted perfectly. Her brother had good taste in clothes and she would have to rub in the fact that Pier looked better in them than he did.

‘Well, don’t you look the Christmas picture?’

‘You like?’ she asked twirling around. He didn’t know what to say, no quick sarcy comment his face though said it all. He just didn’t know what to make of her. In her professional life she dressed well and safely and the outfits she had worn in the last twenty four hours obviously didn’t match his persona of her.

‘Would you like scrambled eggs, crisp bacon and coffee?’

‘Tell me you eat like this every morning please! I love living with you!’ His face matched his pleading.

 ‘Well, I’ve been thinking about that’ the phone rang. ‘I so know who that is!’ Helen started for the phone but Pier got there first.

‘Hello, Oh hi Deb.’ His hand went on the mouth piece and they were both bent double suppressing the hysterics, they could not look at each other and after a while he straightened his face. ‘Oh she’s in bed shall I get her for you? Oh she’s not sleeping’ the expressive innuendo in his voice and his face set Helen off in yet another fit of giggles. ‘I was just taking her coffee in.’ they both ran into her room, she got there first and then he handed her the phone and jumped on too, making as much bed noise as they could.

‘Oh hi Deb’

‘Listen, Helen. What are you doing?’

‘Nothing’

‘Is Pier there?’

‘Yep’ she had put the phone on speaker so Pier could be in on the fun too.

‘Did he spend the night?’ In a dreamy voice as she could muster; acting not being her strong point she responded.

‘Oh yeah, thanks sis’. At which point Pier grabbed her and kissed her on the cheek several times loudly. Not being able to control her laughter any longer she said ‘have to go now, I’ll ring you later.’ and switched off the phone. They fell about laughing. The shock and indignation in Debs voice was lush. It was awhile before their laughter subsided.

Helen held her cheeks and started to massage them.

‘Oh my face hurts, How’s yours?’ when she looked across she could see it was giving him some discomfort but his giggles wouldn’t subside and tears started to roll down his face. Though at first this caused some concern to Helen, the sound of his giggles coupled with the tears and the pain, she soon succumbed to the giggles yet again. In the end Helen walked away into the bathroom, but every time she put her head out, there was Pier and it started again. Their stomachs had gone into cramps which added to the fits, seeing each other in discomfort with Debs indignation only compounded the urge to giggle more.

Finally calm, they had their breakfast. Simple things can be an indulgent pleasure and again Helen took great delight in the obvious enjoyment with which Pier took over the consumption of the quick breakfast. A discussion over their preference of brown sauce apposed to tomato and how many divorces could have been prevented by noting the little things that make life harmonious. Helen said it wasn’t the difference that made or broke the relationship but understanding and accepting the difference. They had finished their coffee and Pier insisted on clearing up the kitchen while Helen went and got ready to take her dogs for a walk.

Within an hour she had re-entered the kitchen. Skinny jeans with a rather stunning grey jumper and bright red lipstick that showed her cupid bow lips off. As she went to get the leads Pier asked if he could take buster. Helen couldn’t help being impressed. No man she had ever met wanted to be seen on the end of the lead to her poodles. Buster was a great looking guy though and won people over, given time. Personally she hated poodle cuts, even though in the beginning of the breed they were given to keep their muscles warm in the water, when they were working and shaved at the back so they didn’t sink, because of the cartoon image of neurotic women and their poodles these dogs have been given a bad image. Buster didn’t look like a little fluffy pom pom and not much like a poodle; with his close clipped fur. Even so, blokes went for big proper dogs with a ruffty tuffty image; buster was just a ruffty tuffty in a small package. She hesitated and then asked ‘Do you think you’re man enough to take buster?’ Pier took the challenge without hesitation and lack of understanding.

Helen knew him to be as competitive as indeed she was and knew from experience that could lead you into strange predicaments; she chuckled at this thought, as that’s exactly what was happening to them now. So with some deep conceited pleasure she took out Busters black leather lead that was studded with hundreds of diamantes. She watched the desired reaction spread across Piers face. Now was he man enough to take Buster for a walk, she wondered.

Tilly Moments: Fluffy Slippers and Pom Poms

Tilly Moments: Fluffy Slippers and Pom Poms First episode