To all the Fathers

For every failing a woman may find in men, there is a great many daily heroic acts women conveniently forget. Like unblocking the drains, wiping dog’s do do off children’s shoes, which are put in the shed and accidentally on purpose forgotten.

Who do those; not so fragile creatures, push out of bed, in the middle of a cold night to investigate the strange noises they just heard?

      Then there is the expectation, as the other half of the double act of parenthood is male, so they should be able to put shelves up straight and sort the car out with no bother or fuss. Just as the female half has a natural understanding of all things maternal and a simplistic ability to clean and cook, don’t they?

      Then, when the children are thrust upon the fathers and looked after in a male way, they are soundly criticized and then severally tutted at!

      As I look back with great fondness on those all important tickling fights and the things I learned from my dad, that my mum had no knowledge or inclination for, I mellow as a mother. I remember with a childlike fondness, at the rimes he got me out of trouble and made me feel better.

      In short my dad was my very own hero. I look on with a mother’s eye and thankfully see history repeat its’ self. So these poems are my tribute to all the unsung heroes, bless their little cotton sock always in sandals X

A Fathers lot

I peek through the window

There they are, waiting for me

I am late, tired and weary

They – full of joy and energy

I look at the girl I married

And see a woman;

A mother

 
I hover the key a fraction From its hole

To summon up the energy

To enter the role of fatherhood

They hear the latch

And greet me with swords,

Prized home work,

With an array of broken toys.

A cup of tea is brought before me

But no time is given,

To sip its refreshing properties

For he is Legolas

I’m the big baddie.

I dramatically fall

And die upon the carpet

Only to be jumped on

I hear a pleading voice

That pines out

“Daddy you promised”

And the mother frowns upon me

For not drinking

What is now a cold cup of tea.

 
I sigh as I trudge off

To read the same book again

The words of which send me to sleep.

Warm and cosy

As we cuddle ready to read

My daughter tells me of her day

I look at her face and marvel

This is my child

I look around the room

With its toys and posters

How did this happen?

How could this be?

My baby,

How she has grown.

 

I walk to my son’s room

We talk for a while

Until his voice falters

And slips into sleep.

 
Last job done

A shower then bed

Gone have the nights of passion

The surprise of delicate nighties

So has the romance she says

But its not, its just inside my head

Nothing I do is right

I pick the wrong time

Or wrong mood

But there are only twenty-four hours in a day

Not forty-eight

 
“Come on sleepy head

Get out, Get out of bed”.

My body starts into action

I’m half dressed

When they confess

Its Saturday

They joyfully run

Laughing down stairs.

   

There they are again

I feel as if I’m an outsider

They are busy doing naturally

Their day-to-day routine

“Brunch is on the table” She calls

I look its half past ten.

 

Gone has the bike on the drive

Replaced by a family car

That cost nearly as much as the house.

It came as a shock

How much extra you need

When out and about with children

Nothing gets done anymore at speed

Or just as a whim

Everything is planed-

Organized.

 
We go looking at sofas

It pleases her

But strikes me with boredom and fear.

The children behave impeccably

Giving good advice on which

Would be the best

Comfort and colour disgusted

“Which one shall we have”?

They say

“Non” she says

“Daddy’s worked too hard

I’ll not have him work any harder

But one day we’ll

Have that one”

So I’m under no pressure then!

As we sit in the evening

On our warn out sofa

Drinking a glass or two of wine

Eating a bar or two of chocolate

Surrounded by love

I think to my self

How lucky I am

Though the pressure is immense

And work so dammed hard

Best not mentioned

Freedom a thing of the passed

I look across

That worn out sofa

And see that girl again

Her smile

Their laughter

What would I rather

Freedom without the pressure

Or the smiles,

And the laughter

With the memories of love.

I guess I’ll just have

To learn

To be free

On a worn out

Sofa.

This next poem is dedicated to Kev. It’s his favourite and though written for children it resonates with adults just as much though on a different level.

     It depicts a father’s view. After working all week all he really needs is to wake up in his own time, slowly moving into a lazy Sunday. I have a lot of empathy for this view point, but as mere mother, would know nothing about hard work all week, now would I? But alas parenthood is not a weekly job that gives you a weekend free.

     So reluctantly this cocooned father dragged from his comfy bed and is wrestled back into family life. A knowing glance between the parents, which hold such understanding and respect, makes Kev revere it so.

The Grumpy Sulky Struggle

There is a Grumpy Sulky;
Curled up at the bottom of my mum’s bed
And it wriggles all the way to the top
Just before it pops out its head,
It gruffly grunts,
"It’s time for you to get out of my bed!"

It starts to wriggle and giggle,
So much that the bed wobbles,
And out pops my sister onto the floor.
Now it’s got me ,
Can’t you see?
Its big humped back.
It squirms its worm shape
Into the middle of the bed,
Oh! No! I’m dune for,
As I make a big thump on the floor.
"That’s two out" it snorts one more."

Then my mum hits the floor,
And we hear a big roar.
"If you don’t want any more
Run for your lives."
"Not likely" we reply,
And jump on the beast.
My sister had its feet,
She is hanging on like a limpet
Her legs wrapped around and
Tickling for all she is worth.
I’ve got the pillow,
Bashing the monster like mad.
Mum is pulling on its arms
With all her might,
She is fighting bravely with the beast.
"No! Not to-day
It’s Sunday."

But we don’t listen,
As we thwack, pull and tickle together
"Give up!" It bellows.
"Never!" we shout.
At last it starts to slip and slide
We all heave together,
Closer to the edge of the bed,
Grumpy Sulky fumbles.
Then it thuds to the floor.

"Lets uncover the Grumpy Sulky
So he can’t get away!"
We triumphantly cry.

In a fighting frenzy we unwrap him,
But the Grumpy Sulky is not there,
It’s only our Dad.
Me and my sister look every where
For the Grumpy Sulky
But he is no where to be seen.

Mum smiles and kisses our dad,
"What would you like for breakfast
My Grumpy Sulky?" She asks
"Cheese on toast" he replies.

We can see our Grumpy Sulky is no more!
Dad gives us that look he has
With smiley eyes and his big cheesy grin.
"We’ve beaten the Grumpy Sulky
We’ve beaten the Grumpy Sulky"
We happily sing.

Have a great day

A Good Day for a Tilly Moment

Oh to sleep on a decent mattress!! I was so excited. Suffering from a trapped nerve was no joke and this new foam mattress was going to help, if not solve the lack of sleep by moulding its self to my body, supporting it where needed. Just thinking about it eased my joints.

            Well as soon as we ordered it I went and brought new covers and was pleased with the results. Just by changing the covers the room will take on a whole new dynamic. The mattress was due to be delivered between eight and four. So I had organised a friend to take the children to school and pick them up if needed. We had managed to get the old mattress propped up against the wardrobe and I had taken the opportunity to give the room a good clean. Just as my friend arrived and we were getting bags and children in the car the mattress arrived, you just know when you’re going to have a good day. My son shouted out that he would help me when he got home and not to try and take it upstairs. I didn’t promise.

            As soon as I had cleared the morning’s usual eruption, I took a closer look at the packages. The mattress had been rolled up. I looked at it and then I looked at the stairs that were straight in-front and I reasoned. The mattress being made of foam would smell so I would need to air it. I could give it a go getting the mattress upstairs and if it was too much leave it for later. If I did manage it, I would have the room ready for my husband, who like me was dead excited about having a decent nights sleep. I didn’t need any more convincing to give it a try. Well I pushed, tugged and hauled the cigar like package up the stairs, promising myself that if it got too much I would just leave it. But of course I couldn’t.

            Standing in the playground later I stretched my aching back, when asked what I had been up to I excitedly told them what I had been doing, they laughed and asked if that was possibly why I was suffering now with a bad back. Hadn’t given it a thought, how stupid am I, my mind was able my body incompetent, never mind it was worth the effort. All the children now aboard, we went home in a flurry.

            After the children had tried it out, I sprayed it again with fabric freshener and made it up. I just had time for a shower before I started dinner. Perfect!

            It was a good day everything falling into place. Oh that makes me laugh ‘falling into place’. You see at this moment in time, I’m wedged in the en suite. The mattress that we had taken off and lodged against the wardrobes had indeed fallen, right against the opposite wall the one containing the door to the haven of my dreams. Scented candles waft relaxing aromas across me but don’t have the desired affect, so I snuff them out! I was trapped not knowing when I would be released.

            The children have been told not to disturb me so are playing music at full volume, playing a game on the TV and talking to their friends while u-Tubing with their ear phones in. The one day they choose to do as there’re told and not to interrupt me in the shower, they choose to day.

            I have no idea what time it is or how long I’ve been here already. I’m now lying on the floor looking through the sky light looking at the clouds go by and reciting in my mind ‘Leisure’ by William Henry Davies, a gentle poem written by a colourful character. I lay there and contemplate that great mans life. He was borne in Wales and became a vagrant who lost his leg trying to jump a train in America. He came back to England and married a lady of the night and by all accounts had a good marriage and later life. Writing a novel ‘Young Emma’ but at the last minute decided not to publish it as it was a based on his life before and after Helen with dark and deep tones. Knowing a little of how a writers mind works dipping into and out of reality it was probably best that the publisher kept a copy under lock and key until both husband and wife had passed. People would wonder what was true and what was supposed fiction.

            In his roaming he met all of life’s trials and human sides and yet he still wrote with a childlike simplicity which I love but as his words wonder around my thoughts they give me many complex reasons and ideas.

            This experience would have been great if I had only had a glass or two of wine and had a copy of the poem. I can hear the door going and finally the noise of the house has subsided as everyone is now looking for me. Well they must be getting hungry by now.

            Now this leaves me with a dilemma; do I call out to be released and laughed at for the rest of my life as this story is recounted time and time again. Or do I take a few more minuets of considered contemplation and enjoy hearing their banter rise into concern as to my whereabouts? I may be too hopeful on the concerned front. In hope that my husband will find me first and he too respectful to make fun of the situation I’m in so decide to wait a while.

            I hear my husband laugh quietly to himself and close our bedroom door. He lies appreciably on the bed and I know this will be a mistake and soon, I hear his gentle snoring floating on the tranquil air.

            I bide my time as soon the hunger and the loss of both parents will intrigue the children enough for them to come and find us. And sure enough the shouts start to rise. They remind me of baby birds squawking for their food. I call gently and hear him stir, he raises and moves the mattress that was pinning the door shut with the rebound action that I could not fight against, though I tried and have the burses to prove it. He opens the door and jumps six foot in the air with fright. I smile and walk serenely out of my prison. I had got away with it quietly waiting had done the trick, embarrassment avoided.

            In the kitchen  I open the bottle of chilled wine and finished off the evening meal I had prepared and as we all sit down to eat my husband starts to ask questions. It was a mistake to believe my husband could resist the urge to have fun at my expense. Would I have saved his blushes, probably not?

Just a Daydream

Have a coffee break with this one sit back and I hope you enjoy.

I got the idea of this story as I walked down my lane taking Tink for a walk and looking at the cars that would pass me. Let me know what you think.

Tilly

Amy looked down at her hands and remembered an old teacher explaining to her once, that as you grow older the elasticity goes in your skin. As you age, he had said, when you pinch the back of your hand the skin will stay in that pinched state for an ever increasing amount of time. She had always smiled at this thought and from time to time had pinched the back of her hand to reassure herself that the skin indeed jumped back into place and aging was in the future. She also remembered how sad she had felt, that on her thirtieth birthday she was sure it had taken longer to bound back to its youthful form and in the years since, the recoil indeed had slowed down. Now there was little skin to pinch and if it didn’t bruise it was a bonus. He had not warned her about that now, had he!

            Her hand now was skeletal with thick blue raised veins passing through the age spots that littered her frail and arthritic fingers. That is when she could see them. Her eyes were as bad as her skin, aging and failing. Another amusement flickered across her face, could you say failing eyesight was an upside to getting old? Not being able to see your true reflection in the mirror was a good thing in her opinion! The better vision was kept in her minds eye.

            She looked out of the car window and her heart fluttered as it often did when they passed the big old oak the place where it happened, all those years ago.

            It had been a very cold, wet and bitter winter but Amy had loved it. Gone from her life was the idiot of a man and the father of her two children, she had rented a very small and quaint cottage and she and the children were having a ball.

            Rushing from work one lunchtime, to take the dog out for a walk. The snow and ice had begun to slowly melt and everywhere was a muddy mess. It was still cold but the sun was out and the hint of spring could just be smelt on the air. They had just left the house when Elli, who owned the cargo business just around the corner had slowed down to have a word but traffic on both sides of the one track lane, could not wait for a conversation to take place. As the cars passed Amy put her hand up in a phone position and mouthed ‘I’ll give you a call’ and carried on with her walk. She envied the trendy car owner. She had a tranquil location for her growing business, two fun children who wanted for nothing but most of her envy was for her new friend’s gorgeous and very smiley husband.

            She often saw him taking the children to school or with their friends going off somewhere even at lunchtime he would pass her while she was out for a walk. He would always give her a warm smile and wave. He never looked grumpy. Amy often wondered how easy life would be without the burden of the school or social runs, how nice it must be to share that time consuming travel. She had been made to feel it was her responsibility alone and often found herself frazzled and without a social life.

            She had never spoken to him or met him in person; to be honest she had avoided anything to do with him and when ever she talked to his wife, she would steer the conversation away from the subject of partners, in fear of giving away how she felt about Ellie’s husband. Her close friends knew she liked a guy but not who. Not that they knew Ellie or her husband she supposed, but you never know in a small village like theirs. She didn’t even know the man’s name; he could be a moron for all she knew, she liked the daydream of him so she kept him a secret.

            Amy was now walking in that dream world of shared responsibility and the comfort that it could bring. How pleasant parenthood would be with the right man in her life.

            Enjoying, as she always did the walk with Buddy. The breeze chilled her face making it tingle and the sun’s beams gave a glow to the countryside around her, adding to the reflective sate of her mind. She had reached the big old oak at the top of the hill, which marked the start of the trendy and very friendly couple’s property. It was then she heard a shout of welcome which startled her. She looked up and was completely thrown as the man of her thoughts started to walk towards her. Buddy Boy rushed to meet and greet pulling her off balance; she slipped on some ice and landed in a puddle of the thickest coldest mud she had ever felt. Mud squelched through her buttock cheeks. Marvellous! She thought. Here stands Mr Trendy the first time I ever gets to meet him and where am I, looking sexy with my arse covered in mud, legs akimbo!  She pulled to free her hand from the gloopy mess that acted like sinking sand. As her hand was released mud splattered everywhere making more of a mess. Her hair was in her eyes and as she tried to wipe it away with her coat sleeve, ended up smearing the mud all over her forehead and most of her face.

            Embarrassed and flustered she scrambled desperately trying to salvage any dignity she could from the situation but the gloop had sucked her bum so tight she couldn’t move. Buddy Boy was now excitedly licking her to encourage her to get up. Mud flung from his paws and tail as the young Great Dane got more and more excited at his owners joy of mud.

            Amy pleaded in her mind for the immaculate dressed icon of her daydreams, to stay away from the calamity but she could already smell his aftershave. Her knees turned to jelly as the heady aroma of him rendered her fight to free herself a futile struggle. Amy was not the type who was normally given to romanticise and of all the days to dip into the dream world she chose now!! Great Amy, just bloody great! A married man, you like his wife and you have to give up your soul and dignity to have a quick fantasy. His worth it though! Get a grip Amy! She tried to snap herself out of it and to control her thoughts. As he stretched out his hand to help her, she could see white cuffs poking through the sleeves of his tailored suit, with exquisite cufflinks and she was horrified.

‘No, No don’t worry you’re suit will get ruined, honestly I’ll, I’ll be fine. I just need to get a proper hold of something’ mostly of my mind. Focus Amy!

‘I don’t think you’re going to be able to get out of this on your own.’ He lifted his eyebrows as amusement tippled from them down to his now smiling mouth. He was some sweet sweet eye candy…. If Amy had any bootstraps, where ever they were, she was tugging on them to pull back her decorum out of this mess but was more probably tying them together, tripping her dignity further from grace.

‘Don’t fuss about the suit.’ He stated this with that good humoured and calm manor. Straddling the puddle he grabbed her under her arms and was gaining some headway until he looked down and saw the face Amy was making. Buddy now sniffing on top of her head frothing at the mouth with excitement, then looking intently at him liked him with gusto, he began to laugh. Buddy boy bounded around him, covering him in mud. At this moment, lost in the slobber he lost his grip on her and she sloshed back into her mud bath. Even though she felt soar and self-conscious she couldn’t help laughing too. Buddy had a way of doing that spreading fun. He looked so ungainly, gangly legs going in all directions loving life.

            Amy now took her coat off turned it inside out so they could at least have something other than mud to hold onto. Flinging the over half to her knight of the mud puddle so they could tug her out. Slowly they pulled but as her bottom was extracted from the mire it squelched the sound that you get from a really good Sunday trifle. The noise had them in a fit of giggles. He lost his grip and she lost the will to live. Buddy was in seventh heaven at the new game they were playing, mud flew through the air with exuberance from his tail and paws.

            Cars were going past and Amy though embarrassed and bruised decided to enjoy the experience after all it’s not every day you see a woman in a muddy puddle surrounded by an excited elegant blue Great Dane covered in mud with his front paws on the shoulders of a suited man as though they were waltzing.

            They took a breather for a second or two to calm Buddy down and in that time Amy began to shiver with the cold and the increasing pain. At the third attempt, with Amy twisting and turning she was finally free. The exertion had irritated her injury and as he held her, she had turned into a silent trembling manikin. The lingering and much appreciated warm embrace brought a deep colour to her cheeks. What it is to hold your daydream she inwardly smiled and closed her eyes.

            He was apologising for causing all this trouble as he rubbed her to get her warm. She told him he had more than compensated for just saying a polite ‘hello’. Anyhow, it was her fault for daydreaming.

            Introducing himself, Chris insisted on taking her back to her house. It was the least he could do, he said. He supported her all the way back to his house, which was quite a distance. They came to the converted barn and Amy was surprised to see that it was separate to the old and elegant thatched house. From the road they looked joined. They went through a walled garden gate and entered a large orangey.

            He got a throw from one of the wicker sofas and wrapped her up to keep her warm and found another for Buddy to dry off with. Rushed and found some painkillers. Had changed into more casual clothes picked up his car keys and another throw and helped Amy out and into his car. Bloody hell, he was going to take her back in his lovely brand spanking new car, in this state! With Buddy too, she hopped Buddy would be good. Buddy just lay down in the back and went to sleep. Amy breathed with relief.

            Now driving along in his masculine and robust county vehicle she could feel the pain rise in her Coccyx. With each bump they took, a sharp reminder of her fall, without grace pinged. Perhaps the pain will concentrate her mind she hoped as she knew not whether her body or mind was the muskiest. When they got back to her home he insisted making her a coffee while she showered.

            She slowly went upstairs and felt excitedly foolish. As she stepped into the shower her sensibilities came back. She could not and would not fling herself at a married man no matter how desperate she was but she was not certain her arms or the rest of her body would comply. It was a sad fact but a true one! She had castigated her ex for not having morals now she had to walk the talk she gave him. Bloody morals!

            Here she was with the man of her many dreams making a very concerted effort not to do the very thing that was done to her, two wrongs don’t make a right choice or a happy one, Amy! Maybe not but they would make for exciting times, she deserved exciting times. Five minutes of pleasure for a lifetime of regret was not worth it. How about a life time of fun?

            She jumped out of her skin when he knocked on the door making her foolish quarrel evaporate.

‘Are you ok?

‘Er, Yep!’

She was now out of the shower and looking in the mirror and marvelled at the great big bruise that was forming across the small of her back and down her right thigh. There must have been a branch or something as it looked gruesome, no wonder it hurt so much.

‘Ready for your coffee?’

‘Oh, I’ll just get dressed and be down in a mo.’ she groaned with every movement.

‘Sounds as if you have hurt yourself ’

‘Must have had a branch or something in the puddle, I’ve got a big bruise forming on my bum’

‘Can I see?’ A long pause came into the atmosphere of possible innuendo. Was there humour in his voice or had her daydream got the better of her? She wished he hadn’t said it though; her imagination had gone into over drive. Should she reply?

‘I don’t think you’d want to see’

‘Oh I think I do’ He was, he was flirting with her! Ecstasy tinged with outrage.

‘Think its best kept well hidden believe me’

‘Oh I won’t take your word for it, I have to see for myself to believe it’ Bubbles of delight dance all over her. The joy of flirtation has to come to a stop! Ok Mrs. Sensible.

‘well ya  gonna have to take my word for it!’

‘Shame’ he chuckled ‘but do you need to go to the doctors to get it checked out?’

Deflation was a sucking sensation and her ego ebbed out of view. She felt barren of womanhood, silly, foolish and close to tears. He was just being a concerned gentleman not flirtatious. Life’s’ a bit of a bugger really, she told herself.

            Covering her faux pas she answered his question. ‘Nar just bruised ego, nothing major’

‘Ok I’ll go and leave you in peace.’

            Amy finished dressing, the warm shower and the tablets were having an effect. Going to her room which was across from the bathroom, her bedroom door was open and the ironing board was in full display with clothes stacked on it nearly as high as the ceiling. Buddy’s bones and toys littered the small landing. What must he have thought?

            Now she would have to face the embarrassment of it all. Fall from grace, faux pas and untidiness. This day was going to be marked up as one of the worst embarrassing times, ever. She gingerly went down stairs dressed in old jogging bottoms as they were the only comfortable option she had. No time to do her long hair so had quickly put it up but bits hung loose as her uncontrollable curls always fought to do their own thing. Nearly falling down the stairs jolted the injury once again, he came running to find her and helped her to sit at the kitchen table. It was no good the hard chairs hurt too much. Trying to get up to move Chris could see her discomfort and immediately jumped to her aid again. He held her around the waist as they manoeuvred through the narrow doorways to the sitting room. She tried to hide how she felt about him? The softness and warmth of his body was worth the pain she thought you bad, bad woman Amy!! She laughed to herself.

‘What’s funny?’ He asked. He held her hands as she lowered herself into the sofa. Looking for the first time into his clear blue eyes it was his way that seduced her. His way of being, calm, gentle and relaxed. Letting go of his hands she melted into the form of the soft comfy cushions. Took a deep breath and took a sip of the excellent coffee he handed her and purred inwardly. Avoiding eye contact and his question.

            ‘I’m so sorry’ He said with a tenderness she had never really experienced.

‘What could she say, what should she say? Floundering she took another sip of the delicious coffee and smiled deeper.

‘It wasn’t your fault. I was daydreaming I should have been more alert.’

‘Daydreaming about what?’ he asked she went red and put her head down quickly. ‘Sorry that was rude, I didn’t mean to pry’ he started to chuckle

Oh please stop, she inwardly pleaded. It was the way his mouth parted and he looked sideways that  turned her on the most, the tone of his face and the meaning within his eyes that made her want to throw her morals out of the lovely sunny window where they could dance on the fresh air and leave her alone with. Stop right there sunshine!!! She pulled herself up by the scruff of her neck metaphorically speaking.

‘About going to somewhere warm for a holiday’, she lied ‘I feel such a fool’ there she had done it got over the crippling school girl crush and entered adulthood where she could put intense feelings to bed, she shouldn’t have used that term ‘to bed’ as that’s exactly what she wanted to do!! Bugger!

            There was a knock on the door and in walked Elli. Amy’s heart was pounding and felt sure the lust she felt for Elli’s husband was written in her face. If you had any sense you would take your husband out of the clutches of this wanton hussy Amy shouted in her head but all she managed outwardly was a weak smile.

‘Are you ok Amy’ she asked with true concern. More than I deserved to be, Amy told herself.

‘Yep just a little taken a back more embarrassed than anything.’

‘You look dreadful, whitish gray.’

‘Glad I have Fridays afternoon off, but honestly I’ll be fine, just have to rest I gues.’

Please take your husband home or I won’t be responsible for my actions.

‘I think it would be a good idea if you stayed for a while Chris.’ Chris nodded his agreement.

‘How about if we got the kids together and we had dinner this evening’ they both looked at Amy. Do you fancy, Chinese?’ She asked.

Amy was a little confused to who or what was being asked. But Elli was not waiting for an answer anyhow. ‘I’ll pick all the children up and take them back to mine. Chris was smiling and nodded like a secret conversation had just taken place. She beamed at Amy. Then like a whirlwind of excitement she was gone.

          Amy felt as if she had her mouth wide open so she closed it, how bazaar! Why the sudden rush with excitement? Uncomfortably she shifted.

‘Are you ok about me staying? Or would you rather I left you alone? Though I think she’s right about me staying for a while. My sister runs at full speed not really accounting for other people thoughts or feelings some times, takes control, her hearts in the right place though.’ 

Amy coughed her shock. Had she heard right ‘his sister?’

‘Oh Elli is your sister?’

‘Yep, He looked confused and looked at her face intently. Why, who did you think she was?

‘Your wife’

It was his turn to splutter; he laughed and looked at her with his amused gentle face. ‘Why married?’

‘Oh’ Amy looked up and saw that smile that she swooned for.

‘Living at the same place, both of you taking the same children to school, that sort of thing.’

‘Ah, I see, yes that would do it I guess. Elli does have a habit of not fully explaining herself.’ Could she see a hint of a blush on his face? He looked awkward, shy and bashful with a hint of a guilty secret. He slowly sat down next to her. He chuckled with reverberating pleasure.

‘What’s the secret?’

‘Oh I’m so going to love to tell her this one’.

‘What’s the secret?’ She persisted. He looked at her with those blue eyes that refreshed her soul.

‘What secret?’

‘The secret that’s written all over your face, I have to tell you I’m an expert at extracting the truth.’ She could see the embarrassment build up and decided to give him a little time before he told her.

‘I won’t let you tell Elli about me reading your relationship wrong, I’d be too embarrassed. I feel stupid enough as it is! And I’ve changed my mind. it was all your fault I ended up in a cold muddy puddle legs akimbo with people laughing at my expense and a big old burse on my bum that really really hurts’ she put on her hurt face.

‘I can’t promise not to rub it in a little, the relationship you had supposed, not your bum, though I would, rub your bum that is. She was supposed to be helping me out not miss leading you. They could hear the children excitedly coming in.

‘Helping you out?’ Amy hated riddles yet loved them all the same, they vexed her but Chris jumped up as Katie came running in.

            ‘Mum you ok??’ Her teenage daughters face was full of anxiety as Amy winced when she tried to move as Andy came swaggering in. Seventeen suited him.

‘I’m fine, just a big fat bruised ego’

‘You tell us to look out for potholes’ He chastised in his ever deepening voice.’ and to take our earphones out when we’re walking on the road, what was your excuse? Have you seen the state of Buddy?’

Amy rolled her eyes at her own words being used against her and smiled at her son’s obvious enjoyment. Ellie said you needed time; he looked at Chris and then back down to his mum and added…to recover, so we’re going to Ellie’s house, no worries about T we’re having Chinese. Oh’ He now articulated slowly ‘Elli’s brother will be staying with you to make sure your ok!’ Loaded with innuendo that was as subtle as a sledgehammer he nodded affirmation to Amy. Bemused she looked into those meaningful eyes full of youth and the beginnings of understanding. ‘So we will leave you in piece for a couple of hours or more, so you can….. you know rest!’ Ellie’s boys were laughing with him as they all bundled out of the small room.

            Amy just shook her head. They could hear the draws being opened and pilfered. Awkwardly they looked at each other as Ellie’s shout came as a goodbye. With loaded whispers, shuffles and laughs ‘oh and we’re taking Buddy’ slamming doors barking and then quiet as the car drove away.

            Chris sat down next to Amy and silently chuckled to himself shaking his head. ‘Ellie rang me so I could meet you casually while you were on your walk. Don’t suppose this as done my chances any good at all.’

‘Chances?’

‘I’ve been trying to get to meet you for weeks; this was not what I had in mind though. Ellie said you were quite evasive but thought you liked me’ He turned to face her ‘I’ve been admiring your smile for a long time’. 

‘Oh I’ve been having an affair with you for quite a while now. Hence the evasion’ She couldn’t believe she had just said that, her innermost thoughts blurted out in that way. Slowly his arm pulled her towards his soft succulent chest and she melted towards him.

‘An affair?’

‘Oh, just a daydream one, which is just as bad really. I like your sister.’

He laughed at her way of thinking. She looked beneath her hair trying to hide. What on earth must he think of her now?

‘Would you have had an affair with me?’

‘It made a great daydream but I know from bitter experience that it would’ve turned into a nightmare for everyone.’ She looked sadly sideways on at him as he squeezed her softly and kissed the top of her head.

‘Can we still have an illicit affair?’ He smiled down kissing her forehead. ‘I was married once’

‘Oh there is a dark side to you, what with your sinister secrets?’ Their humour made his face glow. She wanted to see more of that glow and be part of the making of it.

‘Fine one to talk Lady of the daydream affair.’ Just as she opened her mouth to retaliate he kissed her.

            As Amy looked across the back seat of the car at that man she fell in love with those sixty years ago she laughed to herself he had always shut her up that way ever since, even in front of the children and he had this afternoon. It was expected of him really, his party trick and it always took her by surprise even after all these years, how silly but oh how splendid. He squeezed her hand as he often did as they passed their spot. They looked at each other both knowing what the other thought, as that day had indeed gone down in family history, discussed from every angle and view point.    Their affair had lasted all these years. Exciting each other like lovers would, making each other laugh and crying together has kept them strong. All through life’s trials and tribulations of which there had been many, life can be sad she thought. As you grow old you see many things that make you sad, everything changes but is always constant. Humans don’t rally change much, what ever century you belong to. Would she want time to stand still? If time had stood still, in that endlessness they would never have seen their children grow nor had any of the pleasure of their grandchildren and great grandchildren. On that day, that fateful day she had wondered what it must be like to have that man by her side with the smiles, wonderful suits and the lifestyle of the trendy couple. As they sat on that sofa she can remember thinking as though it had happened a few days ago, that she wanted to grow old with him. Well now she had.

Old man and his pup

The day my dad came to see the pups I knew and hoped

We took Rip, one of Tink’s pups, to my dads on Sunday to start his new life. One man and his dog stood there in that back garden and I must say it was like my dad had become whole again. In that moment I had given my dad back his past and at the same time his future. As a boy he would go hunting with his dog to feed his brothers and sisters, man and dog working together to bring back something for the pot. Dogs have been a big part of his life. We had a gentle golden retriever named Prince that was as regal as his name suggests who got my dad through my brother’s illness and suicide. But it was Rip, a tan and white Jack Russell that my dad named this little fella after.

            Rip was tenacious when needed but mostly laid back and a joy to be with. As a small girl he was my best friend, living in a small village of twenty seven houses he was my only friend. I was the original Billy No Mates by destination, if not personality. He saved me from at least two situations that I will be eternally grateful for.

            The first was a certain attack by a feral Alsatian. I wanted to help the dog, he looked worst for wear and needed a good feed but he didn’t trust me, I could see that. As he slinked his way over, with his ears pricked up and eyes fixed on me, Rip was having none of it and started to growl, as I turned to tell Rip to quieten down the dog lunged forward. Rip caught him and latched on to his gonads and would not let go despite the surprised and big dogs best efforts. With every tactic he used to get Rip off, came a fresh yelp. This continued until they were out of sight. I will never forget the cry of that poor dog as he ran with Rip still latched on, both of them jumping down the road, one in pain and the other trying to hold on for all he was worth. I still am astounded at the sight of it and the way Rip just would not let go even though it must have been painful for him. He could hardly reach the big dog’s soft undercarriage and had to bounce on his back legs to keep up.

            The second time was when I was on my own in the house and there was a knock on the back door. I lived in a line of six council houses in the middle of nowhere. No one I knew came to the back door and at first I thought it was one of my brothers larking about. But there was something in Rips stance that made me wary. I tucked Rip under my arm opened the door ready to give my brothers what for, when I looked to see who it was I stood paralysed to the spot. A strange man stood there. I can’t say why I was afraid of him but I was. The man rambled on about something, while he looked at me and I recoiled from him. Rip never took his eyes off the man’s throat; I could feel every muscle in that little dog tense up. The stare went from me to Rip, who was in prim position to jump on the man. Rip never showed his teeth and I couldn’t say he was snarling but there was a low rumble, deep and menacing. The man asked me quite pleasantly to put the dog down. When I refused he said he would tell my dad about that, with which I replied ‘That’s OK mister I’ll be telling him you called at the back door’. All of a fluster the man left.

            Now I have no idea if the man meant me any harm, we weren’t taking any chances in finding that out but the man never came back. From then on I used Rip as my people barometer and learnt to trust my instincts. I shudder when I look back on that day the possibilities are endless, none of which are pleasant.

            When ever one of our dogs died, our dad would find it hard to get over the loss. We would have to wait years before we had another enter our home. This time it took my dad a decade or more to contemplate it again, with reasons of time constraints a dog can place on you, then of course was his age, he is now seventy seven, was it faire to take on a dog when you are getting on in years. I always told him that that’s exactly when you needed a dog the most. They get you out and about keeping you active. A dog walker could come in, if it ever became a problem or we could get one of those mobility scooters Angus would love that. I would be there if he needed help.

            The pull of this puppy took him back into his past and gave him a positive look to the future, with his granddaughters encouraging him to take it on (poor man didn’t stand a chance once the girls had made up their minds).

        Dad has been thinking about the walks he will be able to take Rip on; there is nothing like daily walks for your emotional and physical constitution and the nature he would see, would mean that my dad would never stops learning, he has an inquisitive mind.  What with training the little dog, showing him off and having the comfort of his company, will keep his spirits youthful and his brain active but most of all the mischief. What the old boy and dog will get up to brings a broad smile on my face and warmth in my heart. My mum (not renowned for being a dog lover) is looking forward to it all too, mostly cuddles on the sofa, just hope he leaves their shirts intact the other Rip had a thing about buttons on shirts.

Wonder what they are up to?

            Will keep you posted.

No Bacon Rolls but is he still ready for GCSE's? Oh and I sacked Tink this morning.

We decided to give the bacon rolls a miss this morning, it was cinnamon cereal that he left and I felt a little deflated. Then I had to dismiss Tink from her duties, which made me grumpy. Dogs and children know how to make you feel really mean.

            Each morning I take Tink upstairs to wake Axl and Ella up, there is nothing like a cold wet nose to get you going in the morning and they don’t tend to tell her off like they would if it was me, not that I have a cold wet nose.

            This morning when she jumped on Axl’s bed she just lay down next to him and curled up. When I asked her what she thought she was doing and that he had to get up. She looked intently at me and that look spoke volumes, leave him alone he needs his rest! She told me off. I tried to encourage her to go under the covers to give him his usual licks but she wasn’t having any of it. I called her into Ella’s room but there was no way she was leaving Axl. So I went and did the dead myself, getting the normal response from my darling daughter, which consisted of a grunt and ‘Oh for heavens sake mum’.

            I carried on with my daily ritual thinking that just the presence of Tink would be enough to get my eldest out of bed. A while later I went to check on progress. Angus was dressed, had brushed his teeth and now was having breakfast, Ella was titivating and where was Axl? Yep you guessed it, curled up around Tink.

            Tink looked up as I walked in and gave me that motherly stare of, back off he needs time. I sacked her on the spot, was she bothered, bothered, she was not. Axl flung his protective arm around her. I had to go on waking duty myself and got the same response from my ever loving son that I got from darling daughter. Did I feel mean? You bet!

            Time is so sad, don’t you think? It can give us moments of pleasure but mostly we have to walk away from those moments when we least want to. If I had time, I would have taken a picture and stood there for a while smiling at the two of them, somehow, as a reward for being a mum. But Axl needs time in the morning to de-fluster his flusterble personality and I need reassurance he has everything and set for the day. Time is of a premium in the mornings with no margin for deviation. Yep time makes ya sad.

            Our family does not run like a well oiled machine, especially in the mornings. Ours is more a kin to a knackered out old thing that somehow rumbles along, totally inefficient but gets the job done somehow. I run from one break down to another fixing the beast as best as I can. I have been working on a time travel mechanism, hoping to incorporate it into our family machine but as yet have dismally failed. Though by writing this perhaps I have captured it a little and past some on to you.

            Have a great day x

I Stayed and We Played

Some Mothers can do endless feats

Their children delivered on time

Right place clean face

Oh no! Not me

Wrong venue at a different time

Their faces covered in chocolate

Oh Hell! Now we’re really late

I’ve tried to clean the house

The garden is a bit of a state

And the dinner not yet on the plate

And it’s half past eight!

Oh! Where have I gone wrong wrong?

A super mum I ain’t

But I stayed and we played

And what fun we made

So forgive me my son and daughter

For not doing as I oughta

But we played tag

And I caught ya

And gave you lots of

Hugs and kisses too

I think this much nicer than

Me being a super mum

Don’t you?

I wrote this many years ago before GCSE’s became a reality for us but I like to read it on flustered days like this one, to remind me of the real importance of life and how time fly's.

When I wrote the poem

 then and now

Breath through the pain of motherhood, soon there will be a smile x

We live for short moments x

Add some of your 'then and now' pics on my comments or e mail them to me. They will hate us for it, but hey whats new x

GESE Bacon Rolls at the Ready

My heart goes out to all of you doing your GCSE’s or any exam for that matter. After three all in a row with two on the same day next week Axl, rightly so, is finding it quite stressful. When I mentioned bacon rolls he perked up a little. So I got up the next morning bright and early and started to cook the bacon. Not sure that bacon was the best thing on a stressed out tummy? With rumbles of anxiety and pangs of self doubt but a mum will try anything to bring a little light relief.

I placed the bacon roll on the table. This was promptly snatched by his little brother and devoured, due to Axl deciding to take a shower. As far as Angus was concerned anything on the kitchen table in the morning was fair game. No probs I said I’ll make you another one, which was swiftly eaten by his sister, while he busied himself getting ready. Not to worry I said at his amused yet slightly flummoxed face. Knowing Ella would be titivating up stairs and Angus would be busy being Luke Skywalker outside, I sat down and talked to him while he pushed his roll around his plate.
 
We rambled on about non important stuff for a while and how he enjoyed playing against his dad in a football match last weekend, a conversation that had us both smiling, boys will be boys. All too soon we had to be leaving for school.
 

It was only when we got to school, that I saw my reflection in the windows. My hair was a mess and I had just thrown on the first thing that came to hand, not a good combination and to make matters worse I had lost my eyes due to the pollen count, they now were very swollen and red. This was not a trend setter moment. Well when I got home and saw in detail the full effect of it all, I was horrified.

While I tried to occupy my day I looked back on the conversation we had and at the way things had turned out with the disappearing bacon rolls, I smiled, that inward warm smile. I know that he would’ve already forgotten the little time we had spent together. I was now being replaced by a non-fiction English paper, such is life.

All of it was worth it though, looking like a tired old lady and cooking a mound of bacon knowing the one who it was meant for, would just take a mouthful, if that. Just to see his face relax into that familiar boy again, smiling at his mum, worth every wrinkle?

My How the pups have grown

The first two stages of a puppies life may appear to be non eventful at first the puppy flounders about a kin to a turtle on dry land, trying to suckle and then flopping into what appears to be a deep coma. Soon though, it starts to hold its head up and slowly the eyes open giving them a distorted view on their surroundings. In these four weeks the pups are confined to the den so their eyes need to be protected from light.

            But these four weeks are fascinating though, if you look closely at the bitch and the pups interaction. Intensely in-tune the bitch has an innate clock that I soon became part of. I got to know when she would want to rush outside and do the necessary and then get back to her pups. When she would need feeding and when she needed some well deserved fuss.

            Tink had this come see expression; even at the birth, she encouraged me to take part and never minded the children’s respectful presence. She would proudly look as we cooed and marvelled at the new arrivals. With every change her pups went through she would use that intense stare to encourage me to look closer at her offspring and take note. I came down one morning to that intent look and found that Amber’s eyes were open. We had to wait a further two days for Rips to slowly get bigger until they finally opened. Their little pug noses lengthened to reveal their muzzle as they grew into their faces. They sniffed us intently getting to know our sent.

            The next four weeks had them going from a tummy shuffle movement to walking slightly unsteady, curious but hesitant, to full on rumbles with each other and mum. Slowly they explored the ever widening world around them. Attacking feet with needle like teeth. Anything on the floor was fair game and squeaky toys a must have whether anyone else has it or not. Pouncing was being perfected and the very first tries ended up with the puppy on its back. I started to put liquidised food down for them increasing the lumps as I went, until I found them devouring their mother’s food. Tink sat there watching them ironically bemused by this event she then turned her gaze to me. Moving slowly over to the pups bowl she feeds silently on her own wondering why her pups don’t appreciate good food.

            Towards the end of the eighth week you can begin to get a good idea of their personalities, traits and how best to influence their training. It is worth remembering that every sound and object is unusual and quite freighting to them. In Rips case so are shadows, he learnt a good barking technique at shadows.

            I started to take the pups to school in the car right from the word go. Now this is not something I would recommend and in truth I didn’t like doing but Tink was insistent. She would run to the car and back again getting more and more agitated that I was not doing as I was told. From then on in we took the pups. I used a carrier crate to keep them safe and put a lot of bedding in to keep them warm.

            Training came into play at an early stage. At around five weeks, as they make their way towards me I clap my hands encouraging them and when they reach me I gave a lot of praise as they got older a treat was always waiting for them. When ever I took them out ‘to be clean’ as soon just as they achieved a wee or a number two I would reinforce with ‘clean boy/ clean girl’. Now as we trot out side I always call out ‘come be clean’.

            For meeting and greeting purposes I would put the pups in an old handbag to keep them warm and safe but they all too soon got too heavy so now I have adapted an old stroller so that I can tie the pups in and they can see Tink on her walks. I have also been walking them around the garden with their leads on and mum in front so they can see what to do. As with everything you do when teaching timing is always important, putting the lead on in a quiet and calm manner is never easy and very time consuming but it will pay you back in dividends later on when they just go through the ritual. Today I will be putting them in a harness in the car so they can sit with mum and taking them to school that way. I wonder what Tink will think to this and of course how will the pups cope. I will let you know

Waiting for the Pups



Tink Just before the birth of her pups

Has the time come yet? I keep asking myself but I guess I will only know for sure when the puppies have arrived. So I just sat and waited, not allowed to move too far from Tink’s side as she nudges my hand to where she wants to be stroked. For days now this waiting game has been going on, ever since I had the scare. We were walking in the morning sunlight with a big teddy bear of a lab and his human, having a very pleasant time, when out of the corner of my eye I saw what looked like a sack hanging from Tink. Well I tried to encourage Tink to walk faster and in the direction of the car but she was defiantly not of the mind to do so.

            Like I said you only know for sure once it’s all over and you look back and only then can you see all the signs and forget all the ones you took heed over but never came to anything.

            I was playing the waiting game, ever ready and vigilant trying to be patient, as she paced always restless unless I was stroking her tummy or she was near my feet. This time nearly six years ago I was waiting for Angus to arrive so I marvel at what looked and felt like a bundle of rocks moving in her stretched tummy. I must say I’m very glad I only had one baby at a time.

            As the birds sang in the spring and dandelions scattered the yet to be cut lawn life bursting from every place you looked at and I must say I was missing our walks, you just can’t beat a good walk at this time of year.         

            I slept down stairs a couple of nights around her due date and contemplated taking her temperature every few hours so I could notice the change thus predicting the birth within twelve hours or so. Looking at Tink and thinking about how I felt about intervention when I was giving birth, I decided that it was best to look and listen to nature. So on the 26^th March I looked intently at a sprightly Tink before I went to bed. She took herself off to bed and went to sleep. Reassured I did the same. That Sunday morning I woke with a start, jumped out of bed and as soon as I opened the kitchen door Tink raced to her bed but didn’t get in. I took her bed to her favourite place in the living room and wheeled the little radiator (which I had got to keep the pups warm) in. She jumped in her bed, waited for my hand and then relaxed.

            I was there for the long haul, after all these things can take time. Not with Tink though within minutes she had given birth to the first pup. Her job she had looked at me and told me was done now it was my turn. I waited a while for her innate mothering instinct to kick in but nothing doing. So I broke the sack and presented the head of the pup to her and as though someone had switched on the power Tink took over. She swallowed the placenta giving the right distance between pup and where the cord should be cut. The cord was tough and as she chewed I held the pup ready to catch so it did not drop to the floor and between us we did an ok job. Tink was not happy with the jaded edges of the cord though. She looked at me and i at her and we both notted that we should do better next time. The little girl was a good size and soon found her mum’s milk.

           

 I rang Axl to get down and to wake the rest of the family up. I knew I could rely on him to have his phone by his ear even when sleeping. By the time they had got to us the second pup was on its way and with a serenity and reverence the little boy entered the world at 7.30. I was feeding Tink ice-cream not any ice-cream Oh no it was made with cornish clotted cream, that would give her strength and aid milk production. She lovingly looked on surprised and proud of her little brood. They were big strong pups but I thought there could be more so I was careful when she asked to go out side, running around with her on a load and boy did she run fast to get back to her pups!

I rang the vet to make sure I was doing the right thing in waiting and he was as excited as I was, reassuring me that everything sounded as if all was ok, just be vigilant and if she strains for any length of time or I felt in the least concerned then just ring back.

            All of us had a wonderful day just mesmerised by the wonder of it all and we still are, although now the pups have teeth, Tink has lost some of the wonder. The day after the birth I took her to the vets as I was expecting a lot more yucky stuff, she was given an x-ray to make sure she was clear (this is the only time Tink cried or got upset but as soon as she was back with the pups she was a happy mum again) and the pup’s the once over by a very excited vet. The vet and Tink cooed and kissed the pups making sure they were ok. I looked on with a huge smile on my face.

                       

I know Tink, you do the hard work and they just sleep on!

we all have puppy love in our house

Local Librarian All of aFlutter

Heather loved working at the library and was impressed with her little sleepy town for putting so much effort in to keeping it open. It had now been turned into a meet and greet centre with book clubs and local writing groups making good use of their conference rooms. She was also proud of her staff, nothing seemed to make them happier than indulging her in her bright ideas but she had to admit the colourful rainforest was a stroke of generous, even for her.

Neville had helped them get it right and even brought Burt in with his three colourful ladies, for that extra special flavour of the Brazilian habitat. Burt was Neville’s eighteen year old blue macaw that talked and loved to perform. They had entertained the children and the adults looked impressed too. It helped that the latest Disney film had been released and the plight of the birds within the pet industry had some how struck a cord of utter disgust in their little world. Perhaps it had more to do with the passion of Neville; he was a bit like Burt in many ways; a chatter box everyone wanted to listen to and the ladies loved him feathered or human. Once you had the mums hooked the children had to follow, Heather loved a cunning plan.

It was all packed away now just the central tree to tackle. A sleepy Sunday afternoon was the ideal time. Heather had made busy getting everything back to normal so when the quiet poet came on Monday he would have the tranquillity he needed. He got distracted easily and would worry at the slightest detail, a blank canvas was best for him. Though once on his feet and reading his poetry and answering questions he did command his audience. They were lucky enough to have him came twice a year and they were now charging five pounds, which included wine or coffee, making it more of an event. So that is why she took out the steps and found herself, in this perched position.

The branch that she was now sitting on was in-fact an old beam that had blended in well with the theme of a forest. It had been a little bothersome while she tackled cutting the straps that anchored the pretend branches to the trusted beam. Taking the main tree down in stages from the very top would be easier and a lot safer she had thought. Well it would have been if she hadn’t climbed on the beam and her leg had not got so excited that it pushed the ladder over.  

The likelihood of anyone coming in this afternoon was slim to zero and it had taken her an hour to ring round everyone she could think of to pick the ladder up. It would have been so simple if only she could get through to someone. She had even contemplated climbing down but would rather feel foolish about knocking a ladder down than breaking a leg. The mobile reception in the library was poor so was unable to through to anyone; eventually she knew she would have to try to make a call to the fire station. Failing that it would have to be a 999 call.

Her dad and brother were on the same shift at their local fire station and as it was dad’s last day and the end of his shift, she new she would never live it down. She could just picture the gathering around the Sunday roast telling the story of when Auntie Heather got stuck up a tree in the library on the day he retired. She took a deep breath as the phone rang out loud against the quiet of the still room. After briefly explaining her predicament they insisted that they could not just pop out to give her a hand Oh no! They were on duty. It had to be a full on emergency, think of the publicity they had said. They had put her on loud speaker too, she could hear everyone laughing.

She had been sitting there now for an hour and a half knowing they would have their network of family and friends getting all the people they could think of to make the most of this situation for the benefit of the community they would say but the enjoyment of finally catching her out would be their strongest prey drive!

The sirens were screaming out her embarrassment as closer and closer came their call. She could hear lots of people too. She could see the headline now ‘Local librarian all of a flutter’. Well if you’re going to be the main exhibit you might as well enjoy it, just think of Bert she told herself ruffle up those feathers the show must go on.

There had been applause and many laughs as she was ‘fireman lifted and man handled’ down from her perch in an un-ceremonial and truly embarrassing way. This was not helped by the very pretty blue dress she had worn, thank heavens she had put her thick leggings on.

The reporter concentrated on the mobile phone is a life saver that we rely on but when the signal is bad who ya guna call? A good angle Heather thought and very kind of him and went some way in making up for the Photos he made her pose for. He also gave a lot of much needed publicity for the library and the events they were going to hold in the next few weeks. This was worth the strife she would get for the next week or two. But it would never make up for the lifetime of grief from her ever loving family and had turned out to be a true retirement gift for her dad.