I can’t quite recall.
Was it the love of sleepless-nights?
No time to one’s self at all,
With a head full of voices
That are not your own.
I thought of the times
Of stories and teddies,
Making tents,
Snuggling up after bath times.
With long walks
While having long convoluted talks.
I dismissed from my mind
The hazard of learning
Repetitive questions
Investigations of what really happened
Or bodily pooing functions
With wee’s and farts
Demonstrations given of their manufactured burps
At the local supermarket,
On pension day!
I thought of marshmallow cheeks
To kiss softly to sleep
Sweet slumber with loving sighs
I didn’t know anything of the nightmare cries
I’m a filing cabinet, that’s all!
A computer, a machine
From the moment I open my eyes it starts
Where did my wallet go?
Open file
Put in information for quarry
Last seen in husband's hand
Who was proceeding towards
The shower-room
Quarry shows possibilities
Left in pocket of trousers on the shower room floor,
In washing basket
Or on top of the loo,
“See!” He shouts
“I told you , you moved it!”
First child down the stairs
“Is it a school day mum?”
“No, but we have to be out by ten”
“Oh no! I hate being out
On Saturdays!”
Second child down the stairs
“How many elephants can you
Get on a pin head?”
“Fifteen I think the man said.
Now remember to write the
Card for the party,
It’s at two thirty”.
“What are you going to wear?”
“My combat trousers”
“What those ones screwed up under that chair!”
“Yep!”
“You can’t”
“Oh mum please!
They’re the best, the coolest I have Anyway you work miracles
And have done it before.”
“You mean washed them,
Dried and ironed them on time!”
“Yep!”
“Let’s see if they tumble dry”
“Love ya mum!”
Sometimes I want to escape
From trying to be a super human;
At which I dismally fail
I want to fly off to the moon
In a beautiful
Ice blue Boat
With diamonds and pearls
To sleep in quiet
On clouds that slowly float
Dog needs to be fed
Beds to be made
Oh well!
Out, out, let’s go.
See ya love.”
“When will you be back, do you know?”
“Why?”
“I need a bit of a hand”
I look straight at him
With an open glare
Perhaps I misheard
For the list of jobs I have to do
Is rather absurd
I can see by his expression I didn’t mishear
But the look I gave was enough
To strike fear
And he'll not ask again.
Alone at last
House all quiet
Even the dog had gone.
A solitary bath
Luxury
Piping hot water
Fragrant and relaxing aromas
That turns the water blue
The bubbles sparkle and shimmer
And hold rainbow colours that dance.
Slipping into the bubbles
That cling like magical oysters
To my relaxing body
Holding a glass of wine to sip
I regain my inner being
My soul comes to life
And for this moment
I become truly me
For ages I dreamily float
On a cloud of bubbled soap
And soak away the trauma
Of trying so hard to be what
Does not come naturally
A good mother.
Many lessons I have to learn
That will last my whole life long
As my Gran once said
“Your father though retired
Is a worry to me
Is he happy?
Is he fed?
A long time a mother, no turning back,
For even when they're not with you
Your heart is not your own".
I’m dry now
House still quiet
Sexy undies
To keep hold of the woman
That is part of me.
Time to pick them up,
Will he remember where they are?
Should I ring?
I miss their loud antics
The dust they make
Sounds of laughter
And in my mind’s eye
I see their smiles
The way they talk,
Hear their questions
The looks they give each other
And the ones they keep
Just for me.
I begin to understand a little
Of what my Gran once said
They will never be
Out of my heart or my head.
My innate sense of time
Rings aloud an alarm
Time they were here at home
Safe, with me!
Phone in my hand
I punch the numbers,
As methodically I go through
All the sensible and horrific Scenarios.
The door bursts open
And life breathes in
The quiet house gone again
As a home kick starts into action
Flowers thrust into my arms
Closely followed by a take-away.
Smiles and love fills
Every space of the quiet house
Making it our home
As my family sit contented
Watching the latest DVD,
Inwardly I bloom.
It’s not quite what I expected
Being a mum.
But sitting on the family sofa
Is a little like
Flying to the moon
In a beautiful sky blue
Jewel incrusted boat.
You just have to learn,
How to
Let it
All
Float!
No comments:
Post a Comment