Wednesday, 27 February 2013

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS, FRIED OR POACHED?


I wrote this short story after a couple of conversations I had with family, friends and with a lady waiting in a doctors surgery. That chance meeting - fleeting though it may have been, thought provoking most definitely, made me smile and keeps me smiling. 

I hope this story does that for you too.

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"Now there are some things you just have to learn to live with, Esmay my girl!” I told myself as I did a double take at my reflection in the mirror – I was bemused by my altered shape. A mound of clothes lay on the bed, I’d tried the whole of my wardrobe on.

The very attractive surgeon had given me perfect poached egg boobs that suited my hips, and made me look in proportion. I’d taken a bit of convincing, the double mastectomy wouldn’t make much difference to me really I had thought. How wrong I was. Clothes flattered my shape now. It was pleasingly different, and I was glad I had taken his thoughtful advice. Was it all worth it at the age of sixty though? Soon to be wrinkled up, and too decrepit to move, let alone strut my stuff. I laugh at my own silliness as I strike poses in the mirror.  Was I sixteen or sixty, I sometimes wondered.

Was it God or my parent’s genes that had given me fried eggs as boobs, no it was Mother Nature having a laugh! Nature had a habit of rubbing salt into sore wounds. I would watch as they filled out when I was breast feeding to a lovely D cup, I liked Dave’s face when he saw them. I was always hopeful they would stay that way, but they deflated like balloons afterwards, looking not dissimilar to tassels on a stripper. For months afterwards I would mope around and my ego and libido would be as flat as my chest.

Now the artificial ones protruded from my body, disconnected, and I wondered if they would ever feel part of me. They looked good though, all dressed up and perky. That salt rubbed a little deeper when I think how Dave would have liked the look of them too. This new life of having a body shape I liked, without a husband to show it off to was just plain sad. He didn’t like the idea of me getting implants, but it’s now one of my life’s biggest regrets, we could’ve had a lot of fun with them. Now they were just for show, that sort of fun was a thing of the past for me.

Why had I agreed to go to this blooming dinner party? I close my eyes before I walk out of my cocooned sanctuary, and taking my resolve I set out to do battle once again with life and this new reality of mine. Kaz would not take no for an answer, if I tried to hide she would find me, if I found a plausible excuse not to attend she would dismiss it, so I might as well get it over with. She is my closest friend, support and my foundation. Full of life, fun and a great cook, a goddess, but was that going to be enough I wondered, as I walked the familiar path.

“It’s just the normal crowd they’ll help you through it. You’ll be fine.” Her voice popped in my head. I trusted her judgment, but I didn’t trust myself. I hope I wasn’t going to let her down. “You won’t let me down” she had earnestly told me. But I’ve lost the ability to keep my bitter sharp acid to myself, I was sure it would slip from my thoughts to my lips without any provocation. I had once prided myself on the empathy I could give, now I felt so sorry for myself, and I couldn’t endure my condescending attitude to others misfortunes, now that I understood the meaning of misfortune.

Pulling hard on my bootstraps I rang her doorbell.
            “You look stunning Esmay.” Vincent was honest and straightforward, so I knew he meant it, it wasn’t just a pleasantry. I smiled at him as he handed me a large glass of my favourite wine. He took me by the shoulders and squeezed as his wonderful reassuring eyes gave me strength, and his gentle kiss gave me warmth.

The familiar good natured chatter filtered through to the hall and called me to join them. I hesitated but Vincent, with his supportive hand in the middle of my back guided me into their kitchen. Kaz was cooking lamb, and an explosion of aromas hit my taste buds that did a little jig of joy. She floated over with appetizers. A one arm hug held me with love and I felt drained and just wanted to crumple to the floor. Vincent topped up my wine, and I ate an olive. They were such an attractive couple, I smiled as my heart dropped – I had been like that not so long ago.

People mingled through the large homely elegant space, and out to the garden. Like feathery wavelets, they parted and quietly babbled, eyes avoiding me in kindness. Each dear friends face, trying to control the emotion within. I kissed them, releasing the confines of empathy to a much easier to breath normality.  I joined in the babble, catching up with what I had missed.

I caught glimpses of a new face that moved amidst the familiar ones. Questions he was answering with his caustic politeness pulled at me, compelling me to listen. His voice – that was mellow and smooth had self depravation lingering in his undertones, a humour that I warmed to, and understood. Kaz stood in front of me and comically the striking man bent his head round, so he could keep eye contact with me. I broke the connection as Kaz offered another olive. I took it and looking past her, took a bite. He smiled a warm inviting smile, I focused back on Kaz. She was assessing how I was doing, happy with my progress. She looked over to where my eyes were being drawn to, we looked into each other, she smiled, winked, and offered another plump black olive.

Dave would say “offer Esmay a glass of crisp chilled white wine, with olives and you will see the lighter, sensual side of her come out to play.” I shook my head at her as our broadening smiles became mirror images.
            “His name is Albie, but don’t hold that against him.” I roll my eyes
            “How could I with a name like Esmay.” we both giggle, she touches my arm. I notice he’s making his way over to us. With sheer panic rising I grab Kaz and say a little too loudly
            “Sure I’ll give you a hand.” Albie’s eye’s narrow as I propel Kaz over to the oven.
            “You girls ok?” Vincent pours yet another large glass of wine for me.
            “She has clocked Albie, but run out on him.”
            “You two have set me up.” I accuse.
            “No we wouldn’t do a thing like that would we Vinnie.”
Vincent’s deep chuckle gave the game away. You have to love friends that care and I bit my lip hard. I roll my eyes and take a large sip, well more of a gulp.
            “The starter is ready people, go sit.” Kaz announces so I wouldn’t have time to retort.

She had sat Albie and me opposite each other on purpose, no doubt. We could access each other better that way. I knew how her mind worked, and she knew I would take full advantage of it. I was in the process of doing just that, when I got caught out by his penetrating stare. His jaw was resting on his thumb, as his index finger stroked from ear down to jaw in pondering strokes. It was sensual and provocative. I decided – or rather the olives and wine had, not to flinch at his perusal, but to give him the same consideration. I’m glad I did, for his eyes mellowed, seeping out their secrets, and humour.

Those plump black olives with their hint of chilli, readied your mouth for the caramelised goats cheese squares that Kaz had lovingly laid down for us. Albie’s eyes closed as the flavours devoured him. I found it very pleasing to watch.

I was in trouble again, he had noticed my intense gaze, and was now just as intently watching me, making me more aware; if that was possible, of my new appendages. I wasn’t used to having a cleavage. Every time I looked down all I could see were my boobs it seemed. My spatial awareness was a little off kilter too, and as I past my plate, I knocked the knife off with one of them.

I had recovered by the time the next course was placed in front of me. Nonchalantly I started to cut the soft succulent slow cooked lamb, the aroma of which danced a pirouette with the roast potatoes and lush deep gravy. Normally there would  be nothing getting in the way when cutting food either, but the still soar and bigger boobs made lifting the fork to mouth difficult. Food had to take a different path now, and raised the perplexing question of – should I go around and over the top, or underneath and through the middle. Childishly I was amused by the challenge, and I felt the wine take effect and a giggle escaped.

I let the conversation skip past me; it seemed to the annoyance of Albie, who obviously wanted to know who this mad woman was. Without being introduced and across the table from, he felt decorum didn’t permit him to intrude, which amused me even more. I shouldn’t have had those naughty olives with the wonderful wine; this combination always had a frivolous effect on me. Dave was right and Kaz knew what she was doing. Should I care? “Oh no, we think not!” said the wine and olives together.

Craig, bless him thought everyone knew about my circumstances as we were among old friends, forthright as ever, loudly stated from the other end of the very large table.
            “Looking good Esmay”, He made a schoolboys gesture with his squeezing hands in-front of his chest. “They suit you!” A sharp kick from his wife, and a held anxiety rippled around the table. I let out a forgiving giggle, which made the smile come back on Craig’s loveable face, and with relief let the tension go from everyone.

I really didn’t blame him, but as I looked at Albie his preconceived ideas stung like a bunch of nettles given to me as a bouquet. The tangible tension made every eye around the table go in our direction.
            “Men get motorbikes as a midlife crisis, women it seems get facelifts or new boobs” Albie’s disappointment gave out a stunned silence that looked sympathetically at me, which I answered in my new caustic way.
            “I thought with my new improved boobs I’d get a couple of tattoos, I expect you disapprove of them too?”
            “Depends what they are I suppose.” His eyes challenged mine. I waited until he took a good sip of his smooth red wine, before I answered him.
            “Well next week I’ll be getting tattooed nipples to go with my reconstructed boobs, do they count?” He spluttered and Kaz gave him a napkin. He was gracious with his reply.
            “Beats love ‘n’ hate, which is what I’ll be getting across my arse for that, I’m sorry I should’ve thought.”
            “You’re forgiven. I don’t know why the surgeon took it upon himself to give me pert poached ones instead of my flat fried ones. As far as I can see they only get in the way.” An eruption of laughter went through the dinner party. “He assured me though they would balance out my hips as nature should’ve intended. He didn’t tell me they take a bit of getting used to.”
            “They do, what I mean is not getting used to as I wouldn’t know, but balance out your hips” for the first time Albie smiled his true and honest smile, the one that people have hidden most of the time. It was glorious and heart warming.
            “Are you saying I’ve got big hips?” feigned upset hit my voice just at the right note.
            “Sorry big foot, and even bigger mouth, I’m not forgiven then?”
            You’re forgiven… but I think I should make you suffer a little. What is so wrong with enhancing them anyhow? I could’ve done with my D cup when my husband was alive, life would’ve been a lot more fun.”
            “My wife enhanced hers and died of cancer three years later, that was not fun.”
            “My husband died of testicular cancer without enhancements… at least I don’t think he had any that wasn’t much fun either, and well look what happened to me. Mother nature is a fickle.”
            “Woman.”
            “You got me on that one.” Breath held at our combined misfortunes,the black humoured tête-à-tête suspended our friend’s faces in contorted silenced laughs, until we released them with our own. The ripples of which eased the subject matter, unrestricting the concerns we all felt, and the opinions we all held. Twisting and turning those opinions altering their course.
            “Well Esmay, which do you prefer?”
            “Life is such a bitch Craig, what can I say, I’ve always hated fried eggs, much prefer poached. I made do for years; much good that did me. Now Dave said he preferred fried, but I wasn’t convinced. He always asked for two poached eggs on Sunday mornings.” The ironic innuendo made me laugh “now I’ve got them I don’t know what to do with them, but like you said they look good.” and I rose my glass in a salute, Albie made it a toast though.
            “Fried or poached, you have to love them.”

THE END

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